Going Mad by Willow

[Darlene]

;D

This story was taken from www.taty.ro , it is posted because the site isn't working anymore.

Ppl enjoy! ;D

[Darlene]

Part 1 "My Heart Still Beats",

Going Mad

Part 1, chapter 1
WHACK
"What do you think you're doing young Lady?!”
During this comment a hand smacked down on her desk only inches away from her face. Lena shot back, like she'd suddenly been stung by a bee. She could just grab her desk in time to prevent her from falling off her chair. She looked at the older woman in front of her, not able to comment yet. She didn’t even know how to respond to the question.
"I asked you a question miss Katina." Two grey stern eyes stared into the eyes of the red haired girl.
"I am sorry miss, I ehh..."
"Sleeping during class. Well that’s detention for you young lady. I want to see you first thing after class!"
"No... I mean, please miss, I can't, I have to go..."
"Don't be insubordinate young lady. Or you will have detention for the rest of the week"
"Yes ma’am" the red haired replied and then looked down at the wooden desk trying to avoid the icy gaze the teacher was giving her. She swallowed and in the corner of her eye she saw the teacher moving towards the blackboard again.
If only she knew what Lena had been daydreaming about. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought and she quickly shook it off. She felt so stupid! Why hadn't she taken more notice of what the teacher said? Why couldn't she stay awake? Why couldn't she pay attention to her classes? The person that had been playing a big part in her dreams over the last few months would be outside after school and now she was going to miss it. She hated herself! Lena let out a long sigh, while somewhere in the distance she heard the teacher rambling on about mathematics.


It was already dark when Lena came home and dinner was almost ready. She stepped into the warmth of her home; it was freezing outside and the smell of food made her feel much better.
"Hey mum, sorry I am late." The red haired said, while she walked into the kitchen and looked at the older woman who was adding some spices to a pan.
"You got detention again?" Came the short reply.
Lena dropped her head, listening to the cold words of her mother.
"Yes."
"When are you going to tell me what is going on Lena? You used to have good grades and you where a good student. But lately your grades dropped and this is the 6th time you’ve had detention... I am worried!"
"I know..." The words came out in a whisper. She hated this because she didn’t want to disappoint her mum. The woman who she loved so much and who always supported her. But she couldn't tell her. She could never tell her about the feelings she had, or could she? Her mother would be so disappointed. If she'd tell her she'd probably be grounded for the next 20 years.
"You are not going to tell me are you?"
"There's nothing mom...."
"You know I'll find out anyway, a mother always does."
"I swear, its nothing!" But that certainly wasn’t the truth.

That night it took Lena a long time to fall asleep. And when she finally did even her dreams were wild and confusing. When she awoke the next morning she suddenly realised she felt even more tired then she had been before going to bed. 'Just one more day at school, then it's weekend' she thought.
She got out and walked over to the closet. She grabbed her school uniform: a white blouse, and a red checked skirt. She put on her white socks and black shoes. She brushed her long red hair and looked into the mirror. She didn’t think of herself as very beautiful. She was okay, but nothing special, she thought. She tried to shake off her thoughts and walked down to eat breakfast and then she went to school.

All day the young redhead had been struggling to stay awake and had been trying not to wonder off into her own thoughts. She was incredibly happy when the school bell rang, confirming the weekend had finally begun. As fast as she could she ran down the stairs and walked out. She wanted to get a glimpse of the person she loved so much.
It had been a daily routine for almost 2 months now. She knew she had to be loosing it for doing this every day, but she just couldn’t help it. She ran outside and threw her schoolbag down against the wall of the school. She waited for a few minutes, her heart racing. So many young people walked out and it was hard to see if she would find the person she wanted to see. But then, just when she was about to give up and walk home her wish came true.

A young woman walked out of the building. She held her schoolbag firmly to her chest so she wouldn’t lose it in the crowd. She brushed her hand through her dark spiky hair and sniffed in the cold air.
Yulia was glad the school day was finally over. She hated to read, and this was one of those days that she had been in the books all day. But that was not the only reason why she was glad the day was over… She knew that against the wall there was a girl who was always looking at her. It was almost as if she was waiting for Yulia to pass by. At first she hadn’t noticed but after a while she realized that the girl only looked at HER. As if she was waiting for the young black haired to come over to her. At first she thought the girl must have been crazy but when a month passed, she started to feel something for the red haired, something she had never felt before. And lately it had come to the point that she was almost disappointed when the young woman wasn't there when the school day ended.

Yulia sighed. 'What should I do...? I have to get over to her once.' But what if she isn't waiting there to see me. What if she is waiting for someone else....' Her heart started to beat faster. Then it heart suddenly made the decision for her.
Without even thinking she suddenly turned and walked up to the young woman. 'Oh God what am I doing?', she thought, but she couldn’t help herself.

Lena was looking at the young girl walking towards the main gate and her heart was beating so fast she was afraid it would burst out of her chest, when suddenly something happened, something she didn’t expect. The dark haired girl had turned around and started walking towards her.
Lena looked behind her to see if there was someone else there, but there wasn’t. ' Oh my God, she is coming over here...!'
Her heart started pounding even harder and she was sure she was about to die. When, all of a sudden, she saw two blue eyes looking into hers.
"Hi!"
"Hi." Came the read-head’s short reply, it sounded so soft she thought the dark-haired could never have heard it.
"I ehm, I am Yulia..." Yulia smiled at the young woman in front of her and dropped her bag on the ground.
"I am Lena."
"So why do you sit here everyday?" The words came out before she had even thought about it. 'nuts, why did I say that?'
"I don’t know... I just, I..." Lena didn’t know what to say, her mind was racing, how was she ever going to tell her that she was here for HER!
Yulia thought about what she had to say, and then bluntly said: "Is it me you are here for everyday?"
The red-haired girls mouth went dry and she was sure her mind was about to explode.
"Yes...yes, I am sorry, I didn't mean to..."
But the young woman just smiled back at her. "It's okay, really. I mean I was hoping you would be here again. I've wanted to talk to you for a while now. You seem like a nice girl. Ehm, do you want to go out for a drink with me?"
"Yeah that would be great!" The hazel green eyes brightened when the girl asked her out for a drink. This was the happiest day in her life, she was sure of it!
The two girls grabbed their bags and walked out off the gate.


"Hey." Yulia said when she walked into the living room at home. Her parents where sitting on the couch. Her father, a middle-aged man with some grey strakes in his hair, didn’t look up. He was watching television. Her mother, who was a small but muscled woman with dark hair, looked up at her. Her blue eyes staring into her daughter’s.
"Where have you been?", she said in a cool tone.
"I was out in a café, with a friend." Yulia looked down at her feet.
"A guy?" It wasn't really a question, just a statement.
"No, a girl, we're friends."
"Just a friend?"
"Mum, please...!" Yulia swallowed. "Why can't I have friends?"
The words came out in a whisper and she wasn't even sure why she made the comment.
"You are NOT entitled to have anything young lady! Do you know what you put us through?"
"Yes, but..." the young woman started.
"No, I wont have it, we had to move over to Moscow because of you. We had to leave our village because YOU had to... I can’t even say the words, it just disgusts me!" Her mother’s words came out loud and hard, and every word hit her daughter’s heart deeply.
"Nobody wanted to have any contact with us anymore, because of you, and now you ask me why you can’t have friends???"
"Mum please, we are just friends... I mean it. Just friends. And she is very nice. You would like her!"
Yulia's father now looked up at her, and sighed. "I hope you are telling us the truth..."
"I am!" Yulia swallowed looking into her father’s eyes.
"Okay, but if we hear anything...."
"I know, don't worry..."
"Okay then." The older man said and turned to his wife, giving her a hug. He knew his wife was upset but he didn't want these fights anymore. He wanted things to be normal again. And it had been going well for some time now. But he also knew that since his daughter moved to her new school she didn’t have friends and was very lonely. He could see it in her eyes every day. He saw that it tore her up inside.

Yulia walked out of the room thinking of the time she had spend with the red-haired in the café, this afternoon. It had been great. Yulia had been talking for the most part but she’d noticed in Lena's eyes that she loved to listen to the rambling spiky black haired.
Her heart skipped a beat when the image of her new friend came into her mind. She looked at the phone in the hall, and then to her bag. For a long moment she stared at the bag and then took a deep breath. She rumbled through some stuff in her schoolbag and then she found what she needed. A little piece of paper. On the crinkled note there were some numbers and a name written in curled letters. Yulia sighed and walked over to the phone.
For a second she wondered if she should dial the number but then her boldness took over and she dialled the number anyway.
After a few seconds a connection was made and she let out a long breath when a now somewhat familiar voice said hello on the other side.
"Hey its Yulia" She said softly
"Hey! I didn't expect you to call me so soon." Lena's voice sounded sweet and tender.
"No, I wasn't either, but well, I had some trouble with my mum, and I felt, I don't know. I felt like calling you."
Yulia waited for the reply, which didn't come.
"Lena?"
"Yeah sorry, I was... I am glad you called me. Uhm, is there anything I can do?"
"I don't know." Yulia's heart was pounding hard in her chest.
"Uhm, hold on for a sec!"
Yulia waited and after a while she started to panic because the woman on the other side just didn't seem to come back and pick up the phone again Just when she thought she was loosing it, she heard a scratching sound on the other side.
"Hey, I am sorry for keeping you for so long, but ehm... would you like to come over, and stay here for tonight, or the weekend? My parents say its okay"
Yulia's mind started racing as she heard the words. She didn't even realize she had a huge smile on her face.
"Yeah, yeah I would love too! I have to ask my parents though..."
"Hmmm, yeah I understand, well ehm, if you can't come, give me a call. Otherwise I'll see you later then."
"Okay, bye then." Yulia replied.

She heard the bye on the other side and thought what she was supposed to say to her parents. She was afraid they would never let her stay over at her new friends house. But she just wanted to go so badly. She looked at the door leading to the living room and to the stairs leading towards the bedroom. Without thinking she ran upstairs to the bedroom. Quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a white sweater, she threw some clothes in a bag and ran down to get her coat. Without even looking back she left the house and ran as fast as she could towards the address written on the paper she held firmly in her hand.



"You know, we have that phone for years honey..." A grey man looked down to his young daughter who had been staring at the phone for almost an hour. He gave a gentle pat on her back and smiled at her.
"Yeah, I know dad." Lena smiled back into the hazel green eyes of the older man. Eyes that looked just like hers.
"You know I haven't seen you this happy in a long time", he said. He gave her a smile and then he walked out of the living room.
Lena shook her head to get rid of all the thoughts running through her head and took a deep breath. At the same time she heard the doorbell ringing and jumped up out of the chair almost running towards the door. She nearly tripped over her own feet and dropped on the floor, but could reach the doorknob just in time to break her fall and in that moment she opened the door landing almost on top of the dark haired girl standing in front of her.

"Hello to you too!" Yulia said with a smile on her face.
"I'm sorry, I tripped."
"Over what?" The dark haired girl replied, now laughing.
"Lena looked back inside and noted, just as her new friend had noted that there was nothing to trip over.
"My own feet", she said with a silly grin on her face
"Well that explains a lot."
Yulia was still laughing and Lena started to laugh too. It must have been a ridiculous sight she thought. But well she was ever so happy that her new friend had shown up.
"So are you going to invite me in, or do I have to camp outside on your doorstep? I haven't brought my sleeping bag you know!"
"Very funny", Lena replied with a big grin on her face. "Please come in."

They went in and Lena quickly introduced her new friend to her parents. It was getting quite late and she didn't want her parents to embarrass her new friend (yet) so she grabbed Yulia's hand as soon as her parents had said 'hi' and dragged her upstairs to her room, leaving two confused adults alone.


"You take the bed and I'll get a mattress and sleep on the floor", the red haired said, while Yulia was looking around in the bedroom.
It was all very neat, very different from her bedroom. There weren’t any clothes lying around, and the room was painted in light pastel colours. There was a desk with a chair, a large closet, and one wall covered with bookshelves, with loads of books on them. And in the corner of the room, next to the window there was a small double bed.
"No, don't worry, I'll seep on the mattress." Yulia said looking to the redhead.
"No, no you are my guest, so you take the bed, it's really not a problem."
Yulia laughed. “Well, I don't want you to sleep on that floor, maybe we could both use the bed?"
Lena's eyes dropped to the floor, she could feel a blush creeping up and she didn't want Yulia to see it.
"I am sorry, I shouldn't have said that..." Yulia had clearly noticed the change in Lena's eyes and was afraid she might have offended her.
"No, no, its okay. I mean it’s a double bed and it’s got two pillows. You are right. We could both...."
Lena urged herself to look back up again, and as she did she smiled into the blue eyes of the girl in front of her.
"Okay then."

“So, what happened?" Lena whispered.
"Hmmm?" Yulia propped her hand under her head and looked at the girl lying next to her. "What do you mean?”
"You had an argument with your parents right?" Lena looked up at the dark haired.
"My mum was mad because I had been in the cafe...."
"Ooooh, she doesn’t want you there then?"
"No it's not that. She doesn't want me to, I don't know, I mean she doesn't want me to make friends I think."
Lena was shocked by the comment in a way, and sat up. Looking at the girl next to her. "Why? That’s weird...."
"No not really, I screwed up at my other school, I had a friend there, and well, we did something we shouldn't have, and my parents got the blame for it. So we had to move out of there. We moved to Moscow because of me. My parents lost all their friends...." Julia swallowed hard. Even thinking about that time made her heart sink. She could feel the tears stinging in the back of her eyes but refused to give into them. “ And my father lost his job too. He had a good job you know.”
"Well, what did you do that was so bad that...."
"I kissed her" Yulia blurted it out before Lena could even finish her sentence. The dark haired girl dropped her head and took a deep breath. 'Why did I say that? I shouldn't have said that. Now she will surely ask me to leave. She will think I am disgusting, just like every one else does.' She couldn’t restrain her tears anymore and the warm salty drops started to glide down her cheeks.
"Maybe I should go...." She whispered. "You probably want me to leave now. I’d understand you know, I am disgusting, I am..."
Yulia's heart skipped a beat as she felt two warm hands cup her face.
"Don't... don't say that." Lena's voice croaked, filled with emotion. "You're not. Don't think you are because you are not."
The dark haired girls mind was racing she felt like she couldn’t breath. She had to get away. This was all wrong. She didn't want to hurt her parents; she didn't want someone to like her. Because if someone did, that would only mean trouble. Her heart was aching.
Suddenly Yulia jumped up and ran toward the chair where her clothes were. She started to unbutton her pyjamas and grabbed her shirt at the same time.
She wanted to get out of there. Her heart ached for the young red haired. It had been like that for a month now, but she couldn't hurt anyone anymore, not her parents and not, above all the petite red haired girl.
Before she even knew what happened she felt two arms grab her and pull her close. She couldn't see much through the tears in her eyes, but she knew the blurry thing in front of her was Lena’s face. It was so close to her, she could feel her breath tickle the skin on her cheeks and she let go of the shirt she was holding in her hand.
She dropped her head on the young girls chest and started to sob. In the distance she could hear the soothing words of her new friend and she let herself be guided back to the bed. For a long time she just cried. She cried as if she had never cried before, while two strong arms held her. She felt comfortable in that place, almost as if she belonged there, as if those arms and the warm body she was leaning into were supposed to be holding her. Nothing seemed to matter anymore; she didn’t have to run, she was save!

“You okay?” Lena whispered. An hour had passed and only now the tears in the blue eyes of the young girl were drying up.
“Yes, I think so… I am sorry.” Yulia had hardly any voice left so she wondered if her friend had even heard it.
“No, it’s okay.” Lena looked into the blue crystals and smiled.
For a long moment they didn’t speak. They both stared in each other’s eyes, a faint smile on their faces. Suddenly, both not knowing exactly how it happened, their lips brushed each other gently. Yulia leaned in and kissed the lips of the red haired woman. It was a short gentle kiss, a kiss to thank Lena for being there.
After they parted Lena moved over to her side of the bed. She felt the glow on her cheeks and her tummy filled with butterflies. She had never been kissed by a girl before, she had had a boyfriend once, but that was horrible. She remembered their first kiss together. He was all sloppy. She always compared him to her dog. At least she loved the dog… she never loved him.
Yulia moved over to Lena’s part of the bed and leaned over her. “Was that okay?”
“Yeah…” Lena looked into the blue eyes again and knew she was lost. This belonged to her, she was sure of it. This couldn’t be wrong. How could this beautiful thing she was feeling be wrong? How could the best feeling she had ever had in her life be impossible, be disgusting? There were so many emotions. She felt a passion for this girl she had never felt before, and a pain for knowing they could never tell. People would never understand.
She needed confirmation; she needed it from the beautiful girl that was hovering over her. She needed to know if that girl felt the same. Though in her heart she knew. She had no idea how to ask her, no idea how to tell how much her heart ached for her to be here.
Lena grabbed the pyjama of the blue-eyed girl and pulled her close. Her lips crashed onto the lips of her new friend.
There was no gentleness in it. Just primal needs, something she had never needed before. The black haired girl felt this too, and complied. Their lips parted and their tongues met. There was no gentle teasing; everything about the kiss was fierce.
When their lips finally parted they where breathing heavily. They gave each other another look and a soft kiss. No words were spoken while they lay themselves down.
Facing each other, their hands entwined they fell asleep.

[Darlene]

Part 1, chapter 2

“Miss Katina… have you been listening?”
Lena turned her head from the window and stared into the grey eyes of her mathematics teacher. “Yes ma’am, you just said we have to study chapter 16 and 17 from our book.”
“Well I am glad you weren’t daydreaming again young girl, or sleeping for that matter.”
Lena sighed as she grabbed her bag and put her schoolbooks in. She had been daydreaming alright, but she was fortunate to have heard the words her teacher had said. She only heard it far away, but she was ever so glad that the words hadn’t been completely blocked out.

When she walked to the hallway to her next class when one of her classmates ran over to her.
“Hey Lena!” The girl shouted and waved to her. Lena stopped and smiled back at her.
“Hey what’s up Sasha?” The red haired looked into the dark eyes of her friend.
Lena offered her friend a smile but she only got a concerned look back. Lena wondered what was on her young friend had mind and her smile faded into a grim look. The walked down the hall in a slow pace without either of them saying a word. Lena knew Sasha wanted to say something but clearly couldn’t find her words, so she waited patiently.
“Okay…you know…I am concerned.” Sasha started; her dark brown eyes stared at the floor of the hallway.
“What is it, Aleksandra? You know you can tell me anything you want, right?” Lena hardly used Sasha’s full name but for some reason she thought it would make the girl feel more at ease.
“Okay, you know, that friend of yours… what’s her name again…?”
“You mean Yulia?” Lena said softly. She felt her cheeks getting red. She hated herself for blushing but her body seemed to have a mind of it’s own when it came to that.
“Yeah her, you know, I don’t want to scare you, or judge you, but word is spreading she is…. Well she likes… girls… you know….”
“You mean she is a lesbian?” Lena said bluntly
“Yeah…” Sasha looked up stunned to hear Lena say ’the’ word out loud “Maybe you shouldn’t spend so much time with her, Lena. I mean you two are like together all the time the past month.
People are starting to think that you and her….”

They walked up a stairs and stopped talking to use their breath for the long clime up to the third floor where there next class would be. This gave the young red head time to think about the comment.
Yulia and Lena hadn’t seen each other - after that one night - outside school anymore. When Yulia had come home she was grounded for running away like that. Her parents had been scared to death and had forbid her to get out of the house, except for school, for the rest of the school year. And since it was only February and the summer vacation was in July that was a long time for both of them. Yulia was also not allowed to go see Lena at all. What Yulia's parents didn't know though was that they continued seeing each other. But in a corner of her mind she knew that if Yulia was allowed to spend some time out of the house there was no way they could see each other in public. Her parents where probably going to keep an eye on her for some time. So the past month they had only seen each other at school, they spend every free second they had together. But they couldn’t touch and they couldn’t kiss. When they where sitting at the school cafeteria during lunch their legs brushed together but that was all the skin contact they could have. That was the only moment when they could touch each other without other people noticing. It hurt Lena so much. Her heart ached with a burning desire for her new love. She wanted to be able to touch her dark haired love. She wanted to be able to hold her hand. Or just touch the skin on her face. To cup her face when she saw sadness in the blue eyes of her Yulia. Or… to simply say she loved her, because she did. She loved the spiky haired girl so badly. But they where never alone, and she wondered if she would ever had that opportunity at all.

“We are just good friend Sasha…” Lena said as they reached the third floor. “Nothing more. But why does everyone think she is a lesbian anyway?”
“Well some of her classmates said that it was told to their parents so they could keep an eye on their daughters… or something like that.”
“What??? That’s ridiculous!” Lena shouted. Everyone near them in the hallway turned and stared at the young redhead. Lena smiled shyly and said in a softer tone; “So she can’t have a friend because the school told the parents she… she likes girls?”
“Well I am actually surprised she didn’t even tell you about this Lena. I mean you two being best friends and all.”
Lena sighed, but she had no time to react on that since they had reached their class. All she could do was look grimly at her friend while she walked over to her desk, and just before the teacher started to talk Lena whispered to the dark haired friend next to her; “Thanks Sasha”
Sasha nodded, turned her had facing the teacher in front of the black board. She could only hope her red haired friend wasn’t going to get in trouble, though she was afraid that it was too late for that.


Yulia practically ran outside too the wall where new love was standing every day for months now. She quickly ran a hand through her dark hair and nearly lost her bag in the process. This was a daily ritual for a month now. Lena would be waiting for her and they’d walk some blocks together before they had to say goodbye. Yulia knew that Lena was walking in the wrong direction but she never commented on it. She already was more then happy Lena was there with her. Even it is was only for 5 minutes. Every minute with her was worthwhile. It made her feel the happiest girl in the world.

When she walked outside and swathe petite red head, she immediately knew there was something wrong. Even from a distance she could see the frown on her friends face, and the way she was looking down at the ground. Yulia’s heart sank. Her mind started racing. She could clearly see and feel that there was something wrong but she had a feeling that this was about her, or worse about them. ‘Oh God, she is going to break up with me…’ Yulia thought. She was sure Lena was not going to tell her something nice, like she normally would. But even if Lena would end their relationship, it wasn’t really ‘braking up’ was it? They had only shared two kisses and that kisses where a month ago. And maybe Lena hadn’t felt what Yulia had felt. Or maybe her green eyed friend had lost her thrive to go on like this. There wasn’t any hope for a change anytime soon for them anyway.

“What’s wrong” Yulia said in a breath when she reached the red haired girl.
“Nothing” Lena replied in a sad soft tone.
Yulia could swear she felt her heart braking at that moment. This was not like Lena. Lena would tell her everything. Lena was shy, and was sometimes sad. But this was different. And her Lena would always tell what was wrong. Never kept anything for her self.
“Please…” Yulia begged. “Please tell me what’s wrong…”
“Why, you don’t tell me everything too.” Lena’s eyes hardened and stared into the blue ones. She could clearly see the confused and tormented look in the Yulia’s eyes and cursed herself for saying that.
“But… I do, I do tell you everything.” Her heart was pounding so hard, she could even feel it throbbing in her head; it made it hard for the dark haired girl to think. She didn’t know what she had done. But what ever it was, it must have been something really bad. But what could it be.
“You should have told me…” Lena looked down not wanting to look in the hurt eyes of her friend anymore, because that would make it even harder to speak to her.
“What, what haven’t I told you…” Yulia whispered. She couldn’t talk to loud since there where still a lot of students around.
“About this.” Lena said. Pointing at the building
“Everyone at school knows about you Yulia… and you never told me.” Lena sighed, and felt a tear slipping out of the corner of her eye. “You should’ve told me, now my class thinks I am too… you know…”
Yulia didn’t know how to comment on that.

“Hey isn’t that girl Lena is standing with a lesbian?” A young girl with blond hair, stared disgusted at the two girls standing a little from the crowd.
Sasha looked over to the two figures her classmate was pointing at and sighed.
“Yeah they say she is” Sasha said while she shook her head. ‘Even from this distance she could see a painful look on her friends face and she wondered if Lena had told her the truth or that she really was in love with this Yulia.
“So why is Lena spending so much time with her anyway. Ugh you don’t think they are… together?”
Sasha looked over at her classmate. This was going all wrong. ‘Lena what the f**k are you’re doing?’

[Darlene]

Sasha thought. “No she isn’t they are just friends. Lena didn’t even know she was you know, a lesbian. She found out today. I guess their friendship is over now anyway.”
She tried not to look at the two girls while she walked to the main gate. Still she was afraid that the special friendship wasn’t over at all. She had no idea what was happening down there, but she had noticed the painful look on both their faces, and now she wondered if it was because Lena found out everyone at school knew about that Yulia, or if there was another reason.

“I know, I should’ve told you” Yulia finally said to the red haired. “I just, I never gave it much thought. I mean even at my old school everyone new I was in love with this girl. But please, how can I make it up?”
“ I don’t know” Lena said. She looked up right into the blue marbles in front of her. Lena noticed they where filled with tears. She was unsure about the future. She wasn’t sure what to do. Lena wasn’t even sure about anything anymore. Why did everything have to be so complicated?
“I should go.” Yulia said, and turned to walk away. She was convinced this was it. This was the ending of their story, the ending of a story that hadn’t even really begun yet. They hadn’t even had a chance to spend much time anyway. And it was probably for the best. Above all, she didn’t want to cry with Lena watching her.

She had only taken one or maybe to steps before she felt a hand gripping her arm tightly, and pulling her back. A short distance away was a small niche and before she even realized where she was, Lena had already dragged here in there. She saw two green eyes, filled with pain, rage and love. And before she could even understand what was happening she felt soft lips brushing hers. Yulia was surprised by the softness, the gentleness of the kiss. In a way she expected the kiss too be fierce. But for Lena it was more a conformation of love, and her fear for the other girl leaving then an outburst of the rage she felt. The kiss was short but for the girls it was eternity. It was a few seconds of heaven and it took away every doubt they had about each other. Now they both knew how much they loved each other. When they broke, Yulia’s tears started to run down her face. The young black haired girl didn’t feel she had to hide anymore more, at least not from this person in front of her.

“Where did they go?” The blonde suddenly said.
Sasha looked up and stared at the place where her friend and that other girl had been. The spot was empty.
“They where there a second ago!” The blonde said out loud.
“Maybe they are somewhere behind us” Sasha said, looking at the crowd walking behind her. Though it didn’t seem possible, they couldn’t have crossed that distance in only a few seconds now could they?
“That can’t be possible, I was just watching them, and now they are gone! I am telling you Sasha, they are having something there. Ugh, I must tell Lana and the others.
Sasha cursed under her breath. Svetlana was the more popular girl in their group and if she found out about this, Lena was going to get herself in real big trouble. She made a mental note to talk about this later with Lena. The red haired should understand that she was going to loose all her friends if she didn’t stop seeing that girl. Maybe even worse, maybe she was going to be an outcast.


It was dark in the bedroom. The only light in the room came from a small window, though it wasn’t much. The weather outside was bad. Dark clouds blocked the sun and hard winds pounded on the glass. Millions of snowflakes where carried with it, forming a blanket on the street, and over the cars. A few streetlights where burning, but that only added to a grim view.
Still Yulia refused to turn on a light. She was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Yulia's thoughts where far from the place she was now. In her mind she was in the village she grew up in. Her parents had just told her, that they would send her to her grandparents this summer. Her grandparents still lived in that small village. She had wanted to complain about it, beg them not to make her go, but she knew there would be no point.
For some time she had been hoping for the summer to come, knowing that she wouldn’t be grounded anymore and she had been thinking about plans to see Lena from time to time. Now all that wasn’t an issue anymore, she wouldn’t see her friend, her love, the whole summer. The dark haired girl felt tears burning in the back of her eyes and quickly closed them, preventing the drops from falling. How was she going to tell Lena that every plan they had made to be able to see each other, wasn’t going to be happening? She hated it. She hated her parents….
‘No’ she thought. ‘I don’t hate my parents… I just hate this. Why can’t I express my feelings? Why is this so wrong?
Why wasn’t it possible to hold the beautiful red haired she loved so much without being judged? Wasn’t there a way? A way for them to be together?’
She sat up and stared outside. It all seemed useless. She knew that even after the summer there would be a lot of restrictions and she wondered for how long. She was only 15. Thinking of that made her heart ache. They would probably never let her go out for as long as she lived here with them, for as long as she was going to school.
“There must be a way…” Yulia said to herself. She shook her trying to free herself from the thoughts that tormented her. It was hard, every time she blinked, she could see the image of Lena vividly in front of her. She could see her smile, her twinkling eyes and she could almost smell her scent. Lena looked so beautiful in that school uniform Yulia thought. Every curve of her body was beautifully shown in her outfit. Yulia longed to touch her, to be able to see her, to touch that milky skin. Her heart skipped a beat thinking about it, she could feel arousal building in her body. She shook her thoughts off again
Every time she had thought there would be a chance for them, there had been a disappointing event preventing them from being together. She let her body fall back in the cushions, and sighed. She was going to find a way for them to be together, she had too.


The halls where quite, the only thing heard where some muffled sounds from teachers tutoring their students, and Yulia’s own footsteps.
Yulia sighed as she walked through the empty halls of the school. The sound of her footsteps sounded hollow in the long hallway. The hall was painted in a grim dark green with grey. There where no windows in the hall, only dark green doors leading to classrooms. The grim colours of the hall made her feel worse then she already did. She’d hardly slept through the night, tossing and turning and having continues nightmares. In the end she decided to get dressed and just watch television.
She stopped for a moment looking on the numbers on the door, and then reached into her bag for a yellow paper. It was a big school and she still wasn’t used to that. There where a lot of hallways she never even came because she had no classes there. Slowly she unfolded the paper and read the numbers written on it. ‘Not there yet’ She thought and sighed.
She continued through the long hall, with a heavy heart when she finally reached the right door. Behind it where some noices and she knew there was a class in there. She could only hope it was the right one. She hated to barge into a class and then finding out it was the wrong one, and people staring at her. The teachers didn’t appreciate it either.
After taking a deep breath she knocked on the door and when she heard a muffled ‘enter’ opened it.
Slowly almost shy she walked inside while a class full of students stared at her. Trying not to look at them, she walked straight to the man sitting on the large desk in front of the students and whispered something.

“Right now?” The older man answered.
“Yes”
“Miss Volkova, are you sure?” the man stared at the dark haired girl in front of him with a look of unbelief.
“It was urgent…” The dark haired replied, trying hard not to look in his eyes.

The older man stood, towering the young girl next to him and looked into his class. His eyes roamed the room for only a second then they stopped at a person who had a hard time trying to focus on anything but the scene in front of her.

“Miss Katina.” The teacher started. “Get your bag, the principal wants to talk to you.”
After he had said the words voices started to rise in the classroom. All around the red haired girl her classmates started whispering about ‘why’ she had to go there. She had no idea what was going on but she knew it couldn’t be very good. In all the time at school she had never reported to the principal’s office before. She was an A student. However it did make sense, her behaviour the last few months hadn’t gone unnoticed. Quickly she stood, grabbed her bag and walked towards the door, the dark haired girl walking right behind her, closing the door behind them.
While the teacher started to get some order back in his class one girl kept staring at the now closed door. ‘Oh Lena what are you doing…’ Sasha thought.


“What’s going on?” Lena said to the dark haired girl walking next to her. She had a hard time keeping up with her friend who suddenly seemed to be in a rush to go somewhere.
“We’ll talk later” The dark haired replied and opened a door leading to another hallway.
“Did they see us yesterday? Is that why we have to go…?”
“No.” Another short reply came from the dark-haired girl.
Lena didn’t understand what was going on, and decided to follow Yulia without making another comment. Her heart was beating fast. She had no idea what was going on, but they probably found out about them. She had noticed at school some of her classmates - part of the more ‘popular’ group - where avoiding her, some off them even laughing when she’d pass by. Lena could smack herself for the head now. ‘nuts’ my classmates must have seen it. Why was I so stupid? I shouldn’t have kissed her like that at the school ground.

[Darlene]

They entered another hallway and suddenly Lena noticed they where walking in the wrong direction. This was not the hall leading towards the offices. “Yulia... the office is that way” Lena pointed her finger in an entirely other direction then the one the where going.
“I know” Yulia gave her friend a look and suddenly stopped in front of a door without a number. Quickly she grabbed a key from her bag and put it in the lock. After two turns it suddenly opened. “Come” The dark haired said and walked in.
Lena quickly followed, completely confused, while her young friend closed the door behind them. In front of them was a stairs going down and Lena suddenly noted that this was the basement. She had never been there before and now got to realize that Yulia never had the intention of dragging her to the principal but this was going to be ‘alone’ time.

She walked downstairs with the dark haired girl right in front of her and followed her through the dim lit hall. Just around a corner they stopped and Lena was just speechless. There was a checked blue blanket on the floor and some food neatly arranged on it. Not much just some sandwiches and two glasses of juice.
“How did you…?” Lena started but she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to know.
“I was up all night and I got this idea…” Yulia pointed at the blanket in front of her. “ I wanted to talk to you, for more then 5 minutes.”
“We could get in trouble for this you know.”
“No I doubt it, I locked the door and we just have to get out of here before lunch break. I think we’ll be fine.” She smiled faintly at the young red head. She started to wonder if it had been a good plan after all. She had never thought off Lena’s feelings about it. She knew Lena wasn’t the girl who would skive classes. Why had she even thought about this? It was such a stupid idea, Yulia cursed to herself.
“I like it” Lena suddenly said. Smiling at her young lover.
The young red haired walked over to her newfound love and hugged her. “I really, really love it, and you are a very crazy girl you know.”
Yulia smiled. “Maybe” She said, and leaned back into the embrace of the red head. They stood there for some time without saying anything. They hadn’t been able to hold each other at all, and it felt nice. Lena looked into the smaller woman’s eyes and smiled. “I love you, you know.” It was the first time she had ever used the words for Yulia. It felt good though Lena thought. She just hoped the young girl she was holding felt the same.
“I love you too” Yulia’s heart was pounding in her chest. She had never thought Lena would say that. She had hoped, but since the situation was hopeless for them she had never thought she’d hear the words. Now the words had been spoken, and she had answered. She had answered with her heart. How she loved the girl holding her.
Suddenly she felt warm lips touching hers soft and gently. A faint smile appeared on her lips as she leaned in and kissed back. She was going to miss this. She was going to miss those lips so badly.
Their lips parted and their kiss deepened. The kiss was passionate and wild. Their tongues played a game with each other, sometimes gentle touching then fierce. Yulia’s hands caressed her lover’s hair and she was rewarded with a soft muffled moan and Lena holding her even more firmly around her waist.
“I love you so much” Yulia whispered under her breath after they parted. She kissed Lena again passion growing in her eyes. Slowly her hands moved from out of Lena’s hair and started to caress the red heads back moving slowly downward to the buttocks of her lover.
Lena pulled back and stared into the blue eyes of the girl in front of her. “ I have never done this before…” She whispered. Lena’s heart was racing and her skin burned with arousal but she was afraid. She had never done anything else besides kissing. And she had no idea what to do, or if it was the right moment to do more then just that.
“I haven’t either.” Yulia said in a soothing voice her hands moving upwards again caressing the red hair. “We don’t have to…”
“I want to.” Lena replied. It was true she really wanted to. Though she wasn’t sure how.
Yulia looked into the green eyes and noticed the passion in them. “Are you sure?” She whispered.
“Yes.”
Slowly started to Yulia unbutton the white blouse while she felt two hands caressing her own back. The two girls where still holding each other, and Yulia didn’t want the hands to stop touching her. She felt them moving forward, long fingers slowly unbuttoning her blouse as well. It was a strange sensation for both of them. They took everything slow and easy, both almost afraid of what was to come, though their bodies screamed for the others touches and love.
Somewhere during undressing each other they had seated themselves on the blanket, moving aside the sandwiches and drinks. That was for later. There was another priority now and that was love. Lena slowly lay herself down while Yulia gently lay on top of her. For the first time their naked bodies had that much skin contact. Both felt their skin burning, and arousal they had never felt before. Slowly the dark haired leaned in, stealing a kiss from the naked girl beneath her. “Are you sure?” she whispered slowly her lips almost touching Lena’s.
The young red haired girl smiled and kissed the lips back in reply. It was okay, everything was fine for now, she was loved and held. She was close to the person she loved so much. Nothing mattered and nothing would as long as possible.


“What’s on you mind?” Lena asked in a soft tone.
The two girls where sitting in front of each other in an embrace, the checked blue blanket around them keeping them warm. They had no idea how much time had passed being so lost in each other. It had been the best they of their lives, strange, liberating and above all loved.
Yulia leaned back into the warm body against her. She felt the warm skin of the red-haired against her own and sighed. They hadn’t talked for a while, just sitting there, Lena holding Yulia. Yulia had drifted of into deep thoughts. How was she going to tell her now? Everything had been so amazing. She had never thought this was going to happen; hopes yes, but never thought it would be a reality.
“I wanted to tell you something,” she said, turning a little so her cheek rested on the collarbone of the young red head.
“What?” Lena asked looking down at Yulia, while she played with the dark strands of hair.
“My parents decided I have to spend my summer vacation at my grandparents”
There was a long silence. Lena’s mind was suddenly on operational mode again. She hadn’t expected this. She knew they’d probably have a hard time seeing each other, but they had plans for that. They had thought of many things to be able to see each other once in a while, but now, now she wouldn’t be able to see Yulia at all. “Why?” She asked, holding the smaller body even tighter to her.
“You know why…”
“It’s just not fair. Why can’t we be together? d**nit Yulia, I want to see you.”
Yulia heard Lena’s heart speeding up. “I know. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”
“To tell me this, you should’ve told me before we…” Lena’s voice croaked.
“I’m not going” Yulia now turned completely, facing her love. “I wont.”
“But…”
“I am thinking about leaving Lena…” Yulia closed her eyes when she said the words.
“Go where? You can’t just leave can you?” Lena’s mind was about to explode. She had no idea what her young friend had in mind, but this conversation wasn’t going in the right direction.
“If I stay here…. Then what? I’ll never be able to see you Lena, they’ll never allow me too. Don’t you see? I’m not accepted, they don’t understand and they never will. Do you think they will understand you Lena? Will your parents accept you, or me for that matter?”
Lena thought about this. It was a lot to take in and she felt heartbroken. This was an ‘it is over conversation’ wasn’t it. She was going to break up with her. But she didn’t understand. Why do break up like this, with the food and the drinks. But she was right. Her parents wouldn’t accept her. They had stated their dislike for homosexuals before, and she knew their parents wouldn’t agree with her ‘alternative lifestyle’ if they’d found out about this. They would probably do the same thing Yulia’s parents did. “No I don’t think they would…”
“Then come with me…” Yulia whispered. She leaned back into the warm body again, her head resting on Lena’s chest.
“How can I?” Lena started. “I can’t just go away now can I. I can’t just leave everyone behind? Please Yulia don’t do it. I beg you, please wait for a while…”

Just when Yulia was about to answer the question they heard a sound. They saw the door above them open. In the door opening was a man, staring down at them. “You two ladies are in big trouble.” He stated while walking down the stairs

[Darlene]

Part 1, chapter 3

Sergei quickly walked to the staffroom. He stopped walking when he was just inside the room and stood there silently, his eyes roaming the room for only a second, then his glance lingered on the old man sitting at a table in the corner, eating his lunch. Sergei took a deep breath and walked up to him.
He had wanted to talk to the principal earlier on but he hadn’t had time for that, having been preoccupied with tutoring all morning.
He marched over to the grey haired man and seated himself on the other side of the table, facing his colleague.
“Hey Sergei.” The older man said, smiling at him. “You look tired, have the students given you a hard time?”
Sergei gave the principal a faint smile. “No, not really Artur, I just had a lot of classes this morning.”
He had wanted to ask Artur a question about an issue, one that had been bothering him all morning, but now that he had the opportunity, he suddenly wasn’t so sure if he should bring it up.
This matter had given him a headache and was part of the tired feeling he had now.
“Artur?” Sergei started, staring at the table. “I wanted to ask you something, it has been bothering me all morning.”
The principal looked up, staring at Sergei. “What is it?”
“This morning a student entered my class, I don’t remember her name anymore. You know that new girl, dark hair, about this tall, the lesbian girl…”
Sergei held his hand somewhat above the table to show the principal how tall the girl had been. “The girl who had all the trouble at her previous school.”
“Miss Volkolva, Yulia Volkova.” Artur answered in a low, almost grim, voice.
“Yes.” Sergei said, now staring into the eyes of his colleague. He had definitely detected the tone in Artur his voice and he realized, telling the principal would be the right thing to do.
“What about her, Sergei? What was she doing in your class?”
“She came for Elena Katina.” He noticed the confused look the principal gave him, and swallowed hard before he continued.
“She told me that Lena had an appointment with you.”
“What?!” The principal raised his voice and the look in his eyes turned into a deeply concerned one.
“I didn’t have an appointment with her, Sergei! Where are they now?”
“I don’t know, I talked to Inga and she told me that miss Katina hasn’t visited her mathematics class either.”
Suddenly the principal rose from his seat and stared around the room.
“Attention please” He said in a loud voice.
Immediately everyone in the room went silent. All the teachers turned around staring at their superior.
“I have a question. Two girls have been missing class and one of them is the new girl, miss Volkova. You all received a letter about her when she started at our school, so you understand my concern.” The principal took a breath before continuing: “I would like to know if anyone has seen either miss Elena Katina or Yulia Volkova this morning?”
The old man stared at his staff, some teachers shook their heads, implying they hadn’t seen the girls, others just stayed silent.
“Okay thank you all, please continue your lunch.” Artur turned around looking back at Sergei. “I am immediately going to call their parents.”
Sergei nodded. He had this terrible feeling, Artur had warned them for this girl, for the fact that she had spread trouble at her other school, why had he believed her? He felt like he had neglected his duty.
“Artur!” a young man in his early twenties quickly walked over to his two older colleagues. The young man was the caretaker at the school.
“Now that you mentioned this, I am missing one of the keys since this morning”
Artur stared at him. A key missing? That would mean they could still be in the building. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes, positive. I always have the keys in my office in the top drawer and most of the students know this. But this morning I noticed the basement key was missing”
“Why haven’t you told me immediately?” Artur almost shouted at the young man.
“Well, I didn’t want to bother you, and I have a master key, so there was no reason for telling you.”
‘It made sense’ the principal thought. A dull throb in the back of his head told him that he had a headache coming up.
“Alright, I am going to call their parents, you two go and check the basement NOW! They might be there.”
The two men nodded and left the staffroom. Lunch had to wait.


The young caretaker pushed the master key into the lock and slowly turned it. He had no idea if the two girls would be in there, but if they were they didn’t leave the key on the inside of the lock. After two turns he heard a click and knew the door was unlocked. The caretaker stared at Sergei and made a gesture.
Sergei sighed. He slowly pushed the cold metal handgrip down and opened the door. For a second he didn’t see a thing. It was dark in the basement and his old eyes had to adjust to that. Then he saw a silhouette at the far end of the basement. It took him only a second to realize it was the missing girls… wrapped in a blanket.
The old man sighed.
‘This is not good’, he thought. Not good for the reputation of the school, but he didn’t even care about that. He did care however for the two girls snuggling in the basement. ‘What are you two getting yourselves into’ he thought and shook his head.
“You two ladies are in big trouble!” He stated and started his walk downstairs.



Yulia stared at the ground, not even daring to look up at the principal sitting in front of her, or to Lena who was sitting on the other side of the office. The space between the two girls was filled with four empty chairs, though in a short while there would be 4 adults occupying them. She cursed herself for having the idea of the basement and knew she should have been smarter, she could have known they were going to get caught!
She wondered what her parents would think, although she could already picture the entire scene in her mind. This was not going to be pleasant, and she was sure she wouldn’t be able to see Lena at all after this, not at this school, not for the rest of her life.
Slowly, she leaned forward reaching for her bag. In the corner of her eye she could see that Lena was also staring down. Yulia noticed Lena didn’t even blink. She reached for the zipper of her bag and opened it. The sound broke the unbearable silence. Yulia could swear it made the already depressing atmosphere even more tense. Though Yulia decided to ignore that, for now. Trying not to make too much noise, she took her diary out of her bag and opened it.
She could see the principal staring at her, following every move she made.
The dark haired girl thought about the conversation she had had with Lena in the basement, only half an hour ago. She had wanted to reply to Lena, answer the last question but she couldn’t because a visitor had interrupted them.
Lena’s teacher had walked down and had stared at them for a long time. He had asked them to get dressed and meet him upstairs then he had left without saying another word.
Yulia had seen great concern in his eyes. Not revulsion, just concern, it had startled her. This had been the first time she had seen that in the eyes of an adult. An adult, she realized, who knew what had happened between the two girls.
Yulia stared at the diary then wrote something down, she made sure the principal wouldn’t see it by holding the diary in an almost vertical position. After she was done she carefully ripped the page out of the diary and folded the paper twice. Now all she had to do was to pretend she would put the diary and the ripped page back into her bag, while actually only putting the diary back in. This was something Yulia was quite good at, as she had used the technique often during exams since she hated studying. She would put the page into her sleeve although it looked like she had put it into her bag. A simple movement of her hand, quick and always successful. Only now she would be using it to hand the note to Lena. She wondered how she would be able to give it to Lena and she suddenly got an idea.
If she would get permission to go to the bathroom then she would be able to drop it on the red head’s lap without the man behind the desk noticing. He would probably go outside to find someone to guide her to the bathroom. It was a perfect plan.
Yulia closed her diary and swiftly put the paper in her sleeve. Slowly she put the diary into the bag and looked up to see the principal still staring at her.
‘He hasn’t noticed’ Yulia thought, ‘so far so good.’ She took a deep breath and decided this was as good a time as any. ”Sir?”
The principal had stared at Yulia, wondering what she had been doing, but he hadn’t expected her to say anything at all. “Yes, miss Volkova?”
“Can I go to the….”
There was a knock on the door.
The principal turned his head away from the girl towards the door. He noticed Lena’s startled look and felt sorry for the poor girl, she had no idea what she had gotten herself into. Even he didn’t know that. He let out a breath ‘maybe he was just getting too old for this’.
He shook his head, no time to think about that now, and his loud voice filled the room. “Enter.”

[Darlene]

Yulia was completely shocked by the sudden knock on the door. She hadn’t expected them to be here this soon, now she wasn’t able to give Lena the note!
She slowly turned her head and noticed Lena’s parents entering the room, quickly followed by her own. She could clearly see the disturbed look on her mother’s face and the anger in her dad’s.
She turned her head back, now staring at Lena. She noticed Lena staring at the ground again, while her parents seemed to be completely confused.
How could they not be? Their daughter had never had real problems before, and now this!
She heard the principal starting to talk but didn’t want to listen, it was just the same as it had been last year, at her old school.
She had been in the principal’s office too, together with her parents and the parents of the girl she had kissed.
It all felt like déjà vu, the only difference being the school.
‘Not the same’ she corrected herself, ‘Even worse.’
She had no idea if the teacher that had found them had told the principal everything he had seen, but she did have every reason to believe that he had.
What were her parents going to do now? She tried not to think about that, because it didn’t matter anymore.
Everything was like an illusion, her mother who was crying and screaming, the ‘grounded’ from her father and ‘expelled’ from the principal. She didn’t even try to follow what was going on. It was all going to change anyway, she had already made up her mind and nobody was going to stop her.
If this was her life, then she would rather choose not to live it at al!
The only thing that did matter to the dark haired girl was the crying red haired on the other side of the room.
Yulia noticed Lena covering her face in her hands, her body shaking, and her mother constantly asking her what happened, begging Lena to tell her this was all a misunderstanding. Lena’s father merely sat there, almost in shock, looking back and forth from his daughter to Yulia. She noticed how the tall man rose from his seat walking over to his daughter. He took Lena’s hands away from her face, staring at her, his eyes demanding her to look at him. After a few seconds he was finally able to speak.
“Have you lost your mind?” He asked his daughter.
And Lena just stared back at him, her tears running freely over her face answering, “ Yes dad…yes”



Lena kept staring down even after she left the office, she walked passively next to her father who was holding her by the neck. He wanted to leave the school, and all the staring students, as soon as possible. Lena felt exactly the same. She knew that right behind her were Yulia and her parents, though the way her father held her didn’t give her the opportunity to turn around and face the girl she loved so much. Maybe it was for the best. She wouldn’t be able to see her anymore anyway.
The principal had told them, they wouldn’t be allowed to speak to each other during school, or even come near each other. There would be an arrangement with the teachers preventing that from happening. But for now they were expelled for the next two weeks and both had to stay at home and think about what they had done.
Lena felt terrible! She had skipped class, disgraced the school and she had been ‘intimate with a girl’, as the principal had put it nicely with the whole school watching when they left the basement. She had no idea how to fix this! She wondered if she ever would be able to, but knew the answer would probably be ‘no’. How could the best time of her life end like this. How could something that had felt so right down in the basement have been so wrong? How on earth were her parents ever going to trust her again? ‘Oh God, please let me die…’ Lena thought, she didn’t mean it, but the weight of the problems were too much to handle right now.

Her father slowed down a little, feeling Lena had trouble keeping up with him, it still only took a short time before they reached the school ground.
It was raining outside, ice cold drops mixed with some wet snow, and her mother opened an umbrella so they wouldn’t get wet. School had finished for the day but there were still lots of students around. Lena noticed how they all stared at her and knew they had only stayed to see her and Yulia walking out of the school, guided by their parents. To confirm the suspicions that they were… ‘Lena thought about the word; Lesbians. ‘ So now I am considered a lesbian too.’
The students didn’t even care that the weather was bad, they just stood there, umbrella’s opened, watching the scene. It made Lena feel even worse.

“Lena!!!”
Lena turned her head so sudden her dad lost his grip on her.
“Yulia! Lena screamed back at the girl behind her, who was trying to free herself from the deathgrip her parents had on her.
“Lena I need to..!!” The dark haired girl broke free and ran towards her friend.
Lena didn’t feel anything anymore and started running towards her lover.

Yulia ran as fast as she could to Lena and grabbed her fiercely when she reached her. She felt her blouse getting soaked by the rain pouring down on them but didn’t care. She had to give the note, she just had to. This was the last chance she would get. “I love you, I love you” she whispered in her lover’s ear and put the note into Lena’s hand. Lena took the note, holding it firmly and stared at the smaller girl holding her.
“Please come with me?” Yulia begged staring into the green eyes.
Before Lena could reply she felt warm lips touching hers, and leaned into the kiss. She knew this would probably be the last one and she had to feel those lips one more time.
They didn’t notice their parents staring at them, or the students pointing at them, not even the ‘oh my Gods’ rolling from their lips. They didn’t feel the rain soaking them, cooling their bodies. It was just them, and their love.

“I love you too” Lena replied when they broke, she cupped Yulia’s face and smiled faintly at her. “This was not your fault.”
At that moment, a strong hand pulled Yulia away from the embrace. She tried to grab Lena’s hand but the cold rain had made their hands slippery and they weren’t strong enough for the force that pulled her away. Lena stared at Yulia’s father dragging his daughter away from the scene, off the school ground into a car. She turned and stared at the students and at her own parents who were just standing there… frozen. Then she looked to her hand, still holding the note. She was curious what Yulia had written, but was afraid to open it. How much more could she bare? Was she ever going to be free? Was there a place for them, a time for them to be together? It was just too much. Slowly she sank down onto the cold pavement and sobbed.



2.00 am. The alarm clock showed, glowing red into the darkness of the room. Yulia stared at the big bag in front of her and sighed. She walked over to her closet to get some more clothes, carefully deciding what to pack and what to leave. Not everything would fit in there, and she had no idea what she was going to need, though she figured her winter clothing would be a priority over the rest and packed those first. Only a few more hours and she would leave this place, the place she had called home. She wondered if it really had been home for her at all. Home was a place where you were loved, where there could be arguments, though in the end they would be solved and you would feel comfortable. This was not that kind of place.
When she had gotten home she had been in big trouble, her mother had screamed at her, her dad had just left the house. He hadn’t wanted to talk to her or even look at her. He’d made that clear before he left, telling his daughter that he wished she had never been born, telling her that she wasn’t his daughter anymore.
Yulia hadn’t spoken a word when he told her, she had just reminded herself of the short time she would still live here with them. It hadn’t even bothered her that her mother had been crying and screaming. It had all passed before her as a movie scene. Though the small cut in her cheek reminded her that it had been real. Her mother had been so mad at her, not only for what she had done, but also because of her staying silent. She had just been standing there, numb, listening to her mother rambling. Her mother had smacked Yulia in her face, something that had never happened before, her ring making a small cut in Yulia’s face. She had felt a trickle of blood running down her cheek but had still not said a word. In the end her mother had sent her upstairs, and told her she wasn’t allowed to come out of her room. It hadn’t been a punishment, because this had given her more time for packing.
Slowly she walked over to the closet again, checking if she hadn’t forgotten anything important, something she would really need. She closed her bag and sat down on her bed again, staring at her belongings. She wondered if Lena had read her message and if she would see her later today. She had put Lena in an awkward position, she thought. She had never taken Lena’s feelings in consideration. She had been so selfish! She knew Lena loved her parents so very much, and now she was making her friend choose between her and them. She was such an idiot, she thought.
She fell back into the cushions and checked the time: 2.30 am. Her train would be leaving at 9.30am this meant she could still get some sleep. ‘Yeah, right!’ she thought. How could she ever fall asleep, she had so much on her mind. She still had to figure out a how to leave without anyone noticing. Her mother wouldn’t be going to work today, so she would probably have to sneak out while her mother was doing the laundry or taking a bath. It wouldn’t be a big problem though, Yulia thought. She had done it many times before.

[Darlene]

Lena entered her thoughts again. Yulia wondered how her love was doing. Had Lena’s parents reacted in the same way as her parents? Yulia had noticed their faces when her dad had dragged her away from Lena. She had noticed they had been standing there, frozen. They had seen the girls hugging and kissing each other, and had not been able to move. They had looked like statues, Yulia thought.
While her dad had pushed Yulia into the car she had just seen her friend sinking down to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.
Yulia swallowed hard thinking about that.
“Oh Lena, what have I done?” Yulia whispered feeling terrible. “Why did you love me? You shouldn’t have… I have caused so much pain, you deserve better.” Yulia felt a tear slip out of the corner of her eye and took another deep breath. “Don’t come, please, go on with your life… you’re better off without me.”
Yulia had no idea who she was talking to, but it didn’t matter. In her heart she prayed for the girl to come with her, but her mind told her it would be better if Lena wouldn’t. She wished she could tell Lena not to come, though her heart screamed for her lover. Yulia thought that if she wasn’t going to see Lena again, it would never heal.


2.00 am; the clock on Lena’s wall showed. Lena stared at it for only a second, then her eyes darted back to the paper in her hands. The letters were all blurry from the rain, but the words were still visible. There wasn’t much written on it, just time, platform number, destination and a plea at the bottom: ‘Please, come with me, love Y!’
The read haired girl took a deep breath, she had read the note at least 50 times, if not more. She just couldn’t stop herself from reading it over and over again.
Lena had noticed her friend had written something in the principal’s office, but most of the time she had just been staring to the ground, trying not to look at anything at all, she had been so scared! Though now she knew what Yulia had tried to tell her in the basement. Her friend had been planning to leave even before everything went wrong.
Lena read the message again and swallowed. Why didn’t she want to wait? Lena also knew that wasn’t an option anymore since they wouldn’t be able to see each other at all, but she just didn’t understand why the black haired girl would have left her anyway. ‘Don’t you know I hurt too?’ Lena thought. ‘But I won’t be leaving, why can’t you just stay Yulia?’ She tried to shake the thought off. It was useless. Lena just couldn’t understand any of it; today had just been too much. Her parents had been so sad. They hadn’t spoken a word, not in the car and not at home. They had simply asked Lena to go upstairs and stay there. She had heard the muffled sounds downstairs and she knew her mother had been crying for hours. It had broken Lena’s heart.
Though, the thought of the girl she loved so incredibly much, leaving tomorrow broke her heart too. She wasn’t going to see her again, ever… Lena started to cry, like she had done almost all of the night. Every time when the thought of Yulia entered her mind she would start to cry again, but the thought of never seeing her parents again made her cry too. “It is so unfair? Why can’t she stay, why can’t we just be together? I can’t leave my parents behind…” The tears streamed freely over her face making her unable to speak anymore. It didn’t matter; she was only speaking to air anyway. No one was listening, and if there would be anyone listening they wouldn’t understand. ‘They will never understand.’ Lena thought.
She wondered what she should do, but even if she would leave, then what? They wouldn’t have any money, no place to stay, nothing. What life would she have? But what life would she have without Yulia?
Lena’s anger took over and she threw one of her pillows against a wall, it hit a frame and this fell with a soft thump onto the pillow. “Why are you doing this to me? I cant... don’t you understand, I cant!”

“Will the mother of Oleg please report to the information desk, I repeat…”
Yulia looked up, while listening to the metallic words coming from a speaker. ‘Another kid lost’ the black haired girl thought, and started to stare at her bag again. It was cold at the platform and her train hadn’t arrived yet. All around her people were running, or waiting for their train to arrive. She wondered what everyone was going to do, would they be going to work, school, or maybe out on a trip? How many of them were just like her, running away… ‘probably no one’ Yulia figured. She stared at the crowd around her, when she suddenly noticed a girl with red hair running towards the platform. Yulia jumped up and stared at her. Without thinking she grabbed the big bag and ran towards the girl, as fast as the weight of the bag let her. “Lena, Lena!” She waved to the red haired girl, who now suddenly changed direction to the platform next to hers. ‘She’s going the wrong way!’ Yulia thought and ran even faster, her heart pounding in her chest. She saw a train arriving on the platform and the girl now slowing down.
“Lena, I am here” Yulia screamed and tried to catch up with the girl, while the train came to a stop. Yulia was now only a few steps away from her and tried again. “ Lena, hey!” She yelled. She grabbed the coat of the girl, who turned and stared at her.
“What do you want? I have a train to catch” The red haired girl said and turned away from her.

Yulia was startled. She could’ve sworn it was Lena. “Sorry” she said, even though the girl was already out of range. Yulia sighed and turned around to walk back to her platform.
‘Get a grip girl’ Yulia thought dragging her bag with her, pearls of sweat dripping from her forehead. ‘I have a train to catch, if I start running towards every red haired girl, they might as well send me to a hospital right now!’
She checked the time on one of the clocks hanging above the correct platform, and seated herself on one of the benches. ‘Just 5 more minutes’, Yulia thought. This was it, these were the last minutes in Moscow. She wouldn’t see Lena again, nor her parents nor the students at school. Though she didn’t mind about the last one. Her parents she would miss, and Lena… she couldn’t even think about her. Only thinking of her name was already too painful. ‘I just hope you understand’, Yulia thought.
‘You know I don’t have another option. You know how my parents are.’ Yulia touched her cheek to remind herself of that. ‘I hope you know how much I love you…’ She shook her head, ridding herself from the thoughts. It was too hard.
From a distance she could see her train moving into the railway station, it was hard to see with the crowd around her, but this was definitely her train. She stood, and wiped the last bit of sweat from her forehead while moving over to the edge of the platform. She continued staring at the crowd, hoping to see the one person that, she knew, wouldn’t come.
The train came to a stop and she gathered with the rest of the crowd in front of one of the doors and waited for it to open. She heard the hiss, but still focused on the platform, she just couldn’t help herself. She entered the train after everyone else and stared outside through the open door. ‘This is it’, she thought again. She saw the conductor walking over the platform, checking if everyone had boarded. When everyone had boarded he grabbed his whistle.
Yulia heard the whistle and new the train was going to depart.
Then, in the far distance, Yulia saw a girl running towards the train. There was a huge bag on her back which was slowing her down.
‘Lena’ Yulia thought, it is her, she is here!’ Yulia waved at the conductor, who had already boarded the train, because he didn’t seem to notice the girl running towards the train. Yulia was trying to hold her balance half hanging out of the open door, while the train started to move.
“Lena, I am here!!!” she screamed.
Yulia saw the figure speeding up, screaming: “Yulia I love you!”


Part 2, chapter 1
This one is for Stacie


Lena stared at her dark haired friend. She was sleeping soundlessly, her head resting on Lena’s lap. One hand firmly wrapped around the red haired girl’s waist. Lena took a breath, careful not to wake her friend. How long had they been on the train now? It must have been at least 4 or 5 hours. They still had a long trip ahead of them. The red haired girl closed her eyes and thought back about the past days. Everything had been so weird! One day she had been living happily at home, a day later her parents hadn’t known how to react on their daughter anymore. That same day the girl she loved most in her life had told her that she was about to leave. Lena had never thought that she had the guts to go with her, but early in the morning, after a long night of crying, cursing and thinking, she had decided that her love, who was now sleeping on her lap, was more important than any other thing in the world. She had packed her bags at the last minute, and had left. Her parents had been at work, so she had easily left home. She had almost missed the train, but had jumped in at the last moment, running through the carriages trying to find Yulia, and she had.
She still felt a dull pain in her chest when she thought about her parents, though. She loved them, and they loved her. It had been hard for her to leave them. It had been a hard choice to make.

[Darlene]

“What’s on your mind?”
Lena was suddenly drawn back into reality and she looked down at two big blue eyes staring at her. “I was thinking about home…”
Yulia nodded, and kissed her hand. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“I’ll be fine, it’s just, I don’t know. I miss them already…”
“I understand.” It was a simple answer, though Yulia didn’t really understand. She tried though.
Slowly Yulia rose from her lovers lap and seated herself next to the red haired, letting out a yawn and stretching. “How long have I been asleep?” The spiky haired asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.”
“I don’t know, about 2 hours, I think.” Lena said, stretching herself and reseated herself, her back against the window. “How much longer before we arrive?”
“Two more hours… at least”
Lena sighed, turning her head so she could look out of the window. The landscape was quickly rolling past, everything covered in snow. It was nice to look at, but it didn’t relieve the feeling in her heart. “Then what?” She suddenly asked.
She didn’t even look at Yulia when asking the question. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to know. Where were they going to stay, and how were they going to get money? They both had some savings, but they couldn’t live on that for a long time. They had to get a job and a place to stay. How much more did they have to go through? Would life ever going to get less complicated for them?
“Then we’ll have to find a place to sleep.” Yulia said, knowing she only answered a small part of the actual question. ‘Then what? I don’t know. I really don’t know.’ Yulia thought.
There was a long silence in the compartment. This was a touchy subject and they didn’t have answers, yet. It was something they would have to discuss soon, but not now. Lena had too much on her mind already, still unsure if she made the right decision and Yulia was also unsure about the future. The black haired girl knew she had done the right thing by leaving. It felt right, she didn’t think she could ever have stayed at home with her parents, though now she had new problems, and Lena was one of them.
“Why did you come?” Yulia suddenly blurted.
“What?” Lena turned her head away from the window to look Yulia in her eyes.
“I asked, why did you come… with me?” Yulia stared right into the green confused eyes. She was unsure of Lena’s decision. She knew the red haired girl liked her, or loved her, but she wondered if Lena had done the right thing, coming with her.
“You know why…” Lena answered with a soft tone in her voice.
“No I don’t. I know you love me, Lena. But I feel you’re not sure about this…”
Lena shifted a little, the question making her feel very uncomfortable. Yulia was right, she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure at all. She had no idea if she was doing the right thing and she had this incredibly heavy feeling in her chest. She had wanted to share everything with her dark haired friend, but due to the recent events she was not sure about anything. Everything they did or wanted to do, had constantly been causing problems. She felt tears stinging in the back of her eyes and swallowed hard.
“It’s true, I am not…” A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye. “I don’t know what to think or what to do. I don’t know if this is right or wrong.”
Yulia brushed the tear away from Lena’s cheek and nodded.
“I do love you… I know that.” Lena added. It was true, she loved the young woman in front of her.
“I know you do…” Yulia said, and swallowed back the lump in her throat. “We’ll find a way Lena… there must be a way!”
The red haired leaned forward, resting her head on Yulia’s shoulder. She was so tired, and the soft warm body of her lover felt so good. She felt two arms wrapping around her, guiding her down on the bench. She let it all happen, and lay down on the girl’s lap. She closed her eyes and let the warm salt drops of water roll down her face freely. At least here, held by her friend she was safe, for now.


The train shocked a few times then came to a halt. A few passengers got their bags and left the carriage. Lena and Yulia were already standing in front of the door, their bags on their backs, and waited for it to open. They were both very tired and were glad the train had finally arrived at their destination. The doors opened and the two girls slowly walked onto the platform staring at the surroundings.
“Where too?” Lena asked in a yawn.
Yulia opened the zipper of her coat pocket and unfolded a piece of paper. She stared at it for a second then pointed into a direction. “To the main exit and then 10 minutes by foot. I’ve got the directions right here.”
The red haired girl nodded and they walked to the exit. It was very cold outside. Big piles of snow on the pavements and rooftops confirmed that. But the sun was shining, and there was hardly any wind, which made the walk to the hotel comfortable. Cold air was brushing the skin of their faces and the sunlight was shining upon them, it gave them both a lot more energy.
It was only a short walk to the hotel and, even though the weather was nice, they were both glad when they finally arrived. Lena stared at the building for a second before they entered. The building was quite old and looked horrible from the outside. The paint was peeling off and she was sure it hadn’t been repainted in years. A small board on the wall indicated that it was a hotel, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to enter the building. Lena sucked some air in her lungs and stared at Yulia, who didn’t seem to be interested in the outside of the building and had just entered. She quickly followed her friend inside, too tired to pay much attention.

Inside, it was quite dark the walls had been painted in a dark brown color. The brown paint was also peeling off, and the furniture was either old or broken. Behind a desk was an old woman smoking a cigarette, reading a magazine.
“I’m sorry…” Yulia started.
The old woman was startled by the words from the young dark haired girl in front of her and violently grabbed her chest.
“You’re trying to give me a heart attack?!” The old woman shrieked.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…” Yulia said, half panicking. Behind her she heard her friend giggle, burrowing her head in Yulia’s coat.
“What do you want?” The older woman snarled. She had noticed that the red haired girl had found this very amusing and the old woman didn’t like that.
“I would like a room for the two of us.”
“One room?” The old woman asked, half closing her eyes, staring at them.
“Yes please.”
The woman suddenly stood up and walked over to the wall behind her, grabbing a key from it and giving Yulia a form. Lena paid the woman for a week while Yulia started to fill out the form. Lena watched Yulia while she was filling out the paper and noticed that Yulia used different names for both of them. ‘Smart’ she thought, playing with the key in her hand. She noticed how the old woman was staring at them, while she lit another cigarette.
“Are you two sisters?” she asked, inhaling deep.
“No”
“Yes”
Both girls answered at the same time. The old woman stared at them for a second but didn’t comment. “Third floor number 308.” She pointed to an old staircase while Yulia handed her the form.
They walked upstairs and opened a door at the end of the small hall. They were pleasantly surprised when they stared inside.
The room was light in color and there was a double bed in the middle of it. The room wasn’t very big, there was only a closet in it and a small desk with two chairs, but it would do for now. There was a door leading to a bathroom, blue tiles on the wall and a toilet. It was small but clean.
Lena sighed. She suddenly felt very tired and threw her bag on the floor.
“It looks nice” Yulia said and stared out of a small window. The view wasn’t interesting but she didn’t care. They had a place to stay for now, even though it was only for a couple of days. She knew they would have to come up with something soon.
“I am tired” Lena replied and dropped down on the soft bed.
Yulia turned around and gave her lover a look. ‘She is so beautiful’ she thought. Without thinking she walked over to the bed and leaned in to get a kiss from the red haired girl. “I love you.”
Lena smiled. She was feeling a little better now, partly because she was just too tired to think straight anymore and partly because they had a nice place to stay for a few days.
“I love you too.” She answered back. “I’m going to try the bed now, though.”
Yulia grinned and threw the redhead on her back on the bed. “You’re not already going to sleep are you?”
“I am tired aren’t you?” Lena laughed
“Tired, me??? Noooooo. I am alone in a room with the most beautiful girl in the world…” Yulia smiled and tickled Lena in her side.
Lena laughed hard and tried to get the dark haired girl off of her. Yulia was content on staying where she was and continued teasing her by tickling her even more. They were soon in a romp, tickling each other and stealing kisses. Somewhere along the way there was less romp and more kissing, and from kissing came love.
A few hours later both of them were soundlessly asleep, their naked bodies touching. Yulia holding the red haired girl in her arms, the blanket keeping them warm, the room keeping them safe from the world outside.

[Darlene]

“Two coffee for table three!”
Yulia tugged on her white blouse and put the coffees on a tray. Slowly she walked to the table and put the beverages down. She smiled sweetly and went back to the bar to do more orders.
She had been working in the bar for a month now and she hated it. The pay wasn’t good and she made long hours. She barely earned enough to afford the small room they were renting now. After a few days in the hotel room Yulia had found a small article in a newspaper with an advert on a room. It was much cheaper than the hotel room and it was furnished. The neighborhood wasn’t a very good one however, but they didn’t have much choice.
Yulia had found herself a job and she made just enough to afford the room and buy food. She hoped to find a better place to stay, but since Lena was still at home, not able to find a job, this was the best they could get for now. The dark haired girl really worried about her lover. Lena seemed to get more depressed by the day and it really bothered Yulia, however, she had no idea how to help the petite red haired. Lena didn’t talk much about it, though Yulia could see the pain in Lena’s eyes. She had found some letters her friend had written over the past month and knew Lena was getting more and more depressed. The letters were all for Lena’s mother. Though Yulia knew her friend would never send them. It hurt the dark haired girl deeply. She had tried everything to cheer Lena up but it seemed to be more difficult every day. She just didn’t understand!
When they had arrived in the hotel Lena had seemed to feel better, but the longer they were away from Moscow the more Lena seemed to fall into this ‘depression.’ Yulia had never been homesick and found it hard to understand how her love could miss Moscow so much, how she could miss her parents so much.
“Hey can I get the bill or what?” A man, sitting at one of the tables, asked.
Yulia looked up at him and nodded. She handed him the bill and he paid her.
She looked at the notes in her hand and noticed he had hardly given her a tip. She sighed. ‘d**n I should pay more attention to the customers, I need the tips.’
She walked over to the till and put the notes in. Without really giving it much thought, she swiftly moved her hand and one of the notes ended up in her sleeve. She had done this more often the time since she’d started working here. It bothered her, but they needed the money. At least no one had noticed, yet. And she never took large amounts of cash. Yulia made a mental note to buy her lover something from the stolen money, after her shift had ended. Maybe it would cheer the red haired up a little.


Lena was sitting on the bed a sheet on her lap. She stared at the letters she had written, and tried to think what she should write next. She decided it was enough for now and wrote her name at the bottom of the page. Slowly she got up and opened a drawer. A pile of written notes were neatly arranged in the drawer, she added this last one. Lena had been writing letters to her parents for several weeks now. She had nothing else to do since she didn’t have a job and she really needed to get her thoughts out.
She told them she was sorry for what happened and what her life was like now. She told them that she missed them, and how much she loved Yulia. She also told them that she had wanted to spend the rest of her life with this girl, and that that was why she had left. She had felt like she couldn’t live without her.
She would never send any of the letters however. If she would, her parents would find out where they were living right now and take her away from Yulia.
Still, she missed them so much. She missed going to school, coming home and chatting with her mother. She missed her old room. She missed everything. Now she was alone, all day, in a small room all, a place she just couldn’t call home. She didn’t have any friends and Yulia didn’t seem to understand her problems. She had tried to explain it, once or twice, but had just given up on it after that. She knew Yulia was doing the best she could. Yulia had a job and was taking care of both of them now. Though this was hardly enough to call it a living. Lena knew she was supposed to be out, trying to find a job so they’d have more to spend but she just didn’t feel like going outside. She just didn’t have energy for it. What was she supposed to do anyway? She wasn’t good at anything and she was only 17.
Yulia’s birthday was coming up, too, and she wanted to get her something, but she had no idea what. And how… If she wanted to give her something she needed a job. Lena closed her eyes at the thought. She felt a tear slipping out of it. ‘What is wrong with me?’ She thought.
Slowly she reached into the drawer again and started on a new piece of paper.

Mum,
Yulia’s birthday is coming up soon…
I don’t have anything to give her.
I don’t have a job yet and I’m not out to find one either!
I feel so horrible mum! I don’t want to go out, but I don’t want to stay in either.
I don’t know what I want anymore.
I wish you were here, you would know what to say, or what to do…
You always used to tell me everything was going to be okay, that things would work out. But will they?
I had no idea life was so hard… should I have stayed at school? Should I have let her leave without me?
Why wont this feeling go away? My heart is aching so badly!
Please mum, Please tell me, why can’t I breathe?

For nuxx, thank you for everything.

Going mad

Part 2, chapter 2

Yulia opened the door to the small room. It had been a long day at work and she was very tired. She knew there still was a lot to be done.
She would have to cook dinner and clean the room because she was sure Lena hadn’t done a single thing. Her friend had done all of that in the beginning, but the state she was in lately… Yulia shook her head and walked in. ‘No time to think of all of that now. Too much to do’.
The young girl lay awake every night, thinking about everything: about her stealing money from the till at work, about Lena who faced a lot of problems and it seemed to knock her down too much. She wondered what she could do to make her friend feel better, but she had no idea. She would fall asleep early in the morning, only to be woken by the alarm clock a few hours later.
The young girl moved over to the kitchen and put some groceries onto the dresser. She opened her bag pack and got a small box out, wondering if she had done the right thing, but she had felt like buying Lena a small present for some time now. Yulia hoped it would cheer her friend up a little. She moved over to the door of their living/bed room and peered inside. The red haired girl was sitting on a chair watching television; Yulia noticed a piece of paper still lying on the bed. ‘She has been in one of her writing moods again.’ Yulia thought.
“Hey” Yulia started, in a soft tone. She didn’t want to startle her friend.
Lena looked over her shoulder to the door opening and smiled faintly. “Hey” she answered.
Yulia smiled and walked over to the red haired girl. She kneeled down and gave her friend a kiss on the cheek. “ So how are you doing today?”
“Okay…”
“I see you’ve written a letter again…” Yulia started looking in the direction of the bed.
“Yeah I did. I miss them.” Lena swallowed and kept staring at the TV screen.
“ I know...” Yulia waited for a few seconds before she continued. “ I got you something…”
Lena looked away from the TV screen and stared into the big blue eyes of her young lover. “What…” she started but she had no idea what to say.
“Here” Yulia propped the small gift box into her friends hands and smiled again. Her heart was pounding faster, she wondered what her friend was thinking. She hoped the girl would like the gift, because she had saved all her tips and the stolen money to buy it for Lena.
Lena stared at the box for a second, and then peeled the gift-wrapping away. Why had Yulia bought her a present, she thought? It didn’t make sense. She had done nothing to deserve it. She forgot to cook, clean, she didn’t have a job and she had been ignoring the girl a lot during the past few weeks. Still the dark haired girl had bought her a present?
“Oh my God…Yul…You shouldn’t have… I mean…” Lena whispered after she had opened the small box.
Yulia smiled at her friend. “Do you like it?”
“Oh, its beautiful!” Lena carefully got the small silver ring out and tried it on. It easily slid on her finger and fitted perfectly.
“There’s also an inscription in it!” Yulia said. She was so excited; she was so glad Lena liked her present.
“There is?” Lena gently pulled the ring from her finger and read the inscription on the inside of the ring.

Forever yours, Y.

[Darlene]

“Thank you…Thank you so much” Lena hugged her lover fiercely.
“No problem, I am glad you like it.” Yulia gave Lena a big hug back. It had been a while for them to be this near. Even though her friend always slept in her arms there was hardly any skin contact during the day. She had really missed that. “I miss you, you know…”
“I know…” Lena said and gave her friend a kiss. “I am so sorry Yul…”
“Its okay, don’t worry, its okay.”
Yulia held her friend tightly for a few minutes. They didn’t speak a word, no words were needed. ‘It is just so nice to hold her again’ she thought.
Lena pulled back from the embrace and stared at her friend. Suddenly she felt so much better. She had no idea why, though. Slowly she moved in and kissed ‘her’ girl again. “I love you, I love you so much” she whispered against Yulia’s full lips. Without thinking she kissed Yulia again, first on her lips and then moving towards her collarbone.
“What are you doing?” Yulia whispered. She had not expected this at all, though she really loved it. They hadn’t made love for some time now and it was completely unexpected. She felt the arousal already starting to build up in her body. Without really realizing they started undressing each other, Yulia feeling the need of her friend. And just before the moment of utter bliss, the moment that her mind wasn’t able to think clear anymore, she prayed things would go better from now on.



“Yul?”
“Hmmm yes?” Yulia said half asleep.
“Have you ever felt this…?”
Whoaaa…….!!!!” Suddenly the dark haired girl was completely awake. She hadn’t expected the cold hand on her tummy and jolted up. “Hey! What was that for?!” She laughed.
“Well, for falling asleep!” Lena said, smiling.
“Well, thank you very much!” Yulia said. “I thought I deserved a little bit of sleep, you wore me out!”
Lena laughed hard. “So, are you up for some breakfast?”
“You made breakfast?” Yulia smiled. This was good! She hadn’t seen the red haired girl so happy in weeks. And now Lena even made breakfast? That was more than she ever could have hoped for!
“Yes I did. Thought you might want some, you must be hungry” Lena smiled and hopped off the bed.
“I see you got dressed as well! No pyjamas?” Yulia noted, staring at the girl who was walking towards the small kitchen.
“Yes, no pyjamas! I will be going out today, going to try to find a job.” The red haired girl said walking into the kitchen.
Yulia got out of bed, walking naked to the kitchen. She felt very good. Better than she had felt in weeks and she hoped her friend would really go out today and would succeed in finding a job. ‘It might do her some good…’ The dark haired girl thought. She stopped just in front of the open door and peaked inside the kitchen.
“Oh, that smells good!”
Lena smiled and stared at her friend, standing in the door opening. “Thank you. Now get dressed or else…”
Yulia laughed and walked back into the room. “Or else what…?” she said, walking over to the bed again.
“Well, I don’t want to give that away now, do I? If I do, you would be prepared.”
Yulia hopped onto the bed and pulled the sheets over her lap. “Well, if it is anything like last night, I won’t complain at all.” The dark haired said, watching her lover walk back into the room, carrying a tray with some food on it. ‘She is gorgeous. I am the luckiest girl in the world’, Yulia thought.
Lena got onto the bed and put the tray in between them. She smiled and gave her friend a kiss on the cheek. “What time does you shift start?” She asked.
“In two hours.” Yulia muffled, chewing on a piece of fresh baked bread. “When will you be going out?”
“I think in an hour or so, that will give me some time to try and find something. I bought a newspaper yesterday and there was a job advertisement in it.”
“Oh? What kind of work is it?” Yulia stopped eating for a second, carefully watching her friend. This was very interesting.
Lena got off the bed and walked over to the wooden desk. She picked up the newspaper and opened it at the page she needed. “Its for a vet.” She said, staring at the page.
“A vet?” What do you have to do then?” Yulia frowned.
“I don’t exactly know. It mainly says: feeding the animals, some cleaning work, and maybe learn to assist him.”
“That sounds cool.”
Lena smiled. “I liked it, that is why I will be going there today. And if it doesn’t work out I’ll go and try to find something else.”
“Good.” Yulia answered, and smiled. “I am glad you are feeling better, you know.” She leaned over and gave her lover a kiss, to show her she really meant what she had just said..
“Thank you” Lena whispered after they parted. She nudged a finger into Yulia’s side, making her jump up again. “Now eat you breakfast!”
Yulia smiled. This was a good start to the day, a very good one!


The dark haired girl walked over to the bar and opened the till. She had been working all day and now all there was left to do was count the money and then, she could finally go home. While walking over to a table to count the money she wondered if Lena would finally have found herself a job
Slowly she empties the till on the table and starts to count. This is the best part of her shift; because after this she will finally be free to go home.
Yulia looked down at the money, lying on the table and sighed. How she wished for all that money to be hers! Without really realizing, she reached down and put some of the cash in her pocket. She just couldn’t help herself anymore. She had been stealing small amounts of money for a while now and it was just too appealing. She hardly made enough for both of them to have a living and the cash on the table just screamed to being taken by her. ‘I wonder what Lena would think if she knew I did this’ She thought and shook her head. ‘She won’t find out, if she knew I bought the ring from stolen money, she would be so mad. But she was feeling so much better when I gave her the ring.’
Yulia still smiled thinking back to that. Everything had been so great yesterday and this morning. It had been a great evening for both of them and the morning had had quite a promising start. ‘I hope she will still be in that good mood, when I come home.’ She thought.
She stood up to get a plastic bag to put the money in when she suddenly noticed a man standing in the door opening of the kitchen. She jumped when she saw him and a shriek passed her lips.
“What do you think you’re doing?” the man asked her, staring at her pocket containing the stolen money.
“I just, I…” Yulia started. She could feel her heart pounding heavily in her chest.
“I think you should put the rest of the money in the bag too!” He pointed at the still empty bag, and stared right into the young girl’s eyes.
“I’m sorry sir, I know I shouldn’t ha…”
“The police is already on its way. Don’t even think of trying to talk yourself out of this. I have been watching you, missy!”
Yulia wished she could die right there. The man was her boss and he wasn’t supposed to be here at all. She was sure she had seen him leave a couple of hours ago, and she had assured herself that the small amounts of cash she had stolen every time, hadn’t been missed, but she had been wrong about that again, it turned out.
“No, please not the police, you can’t… I mean…please, I will never do it again. I am so sorry.”
“Too late for that, you should’ve thought about this before you started to steal MY money!” His voice was cold and hard. “Now change into your own clothes. You won’t be needing these anymore.”
Yulia stared at the uniform she was wearing and slowly walked into another room. She was sweating heavily and her heart just wouldn’t slow down. They couldn’t take her away now, back home, could they? What was Lena going to think? What was going to happen now? She hoped they wouldn’t keep her there or discover her true identity. That would mean she had to go back to Moscow again, and if there was one thing she didn’t want… She heard some noises in the other room and new the police had arrived. She hadn’t even started undressing yet and quickly pulled off her waitress uniform. Her mind thought of a way out, a way to avoid telling Lena about this, but she feared that was not going to be an option.
She quickly pulled her faded blue jeans and grey sweater on, let out a long breath and watched her hands. They were shaking badly. ’Why can I never stay out of trouble?!’ she thought and walked over to the bar again. She noticed the two men, dressed in police uniforms immediately, and swallowed hard. She felt tears stinging in the back of her eyes and blinked a few times, trying to avoid them from falling. She had been crying too much lately. She had to be strong and had to stop being so stupid all the time, had to stop getting herself into trouble. But maybe that was just her burden.
She felt two arms grabbing her and dragging her out of the bar. She heard the voices talking to her, they would take her to the bureau and she was allowed to make one call, but she blocked everything out. All she could think about was the red haired girl. ‘She is going to be so disappointed!’

[Darlene]

“NO!!! You can’t be serious!” Lena yelled at the police officer, sitting at a large wooden desk.
“I am sorry ma’am.” He replied, staring at a form lying in front of him. “You will have to pay, or she will stay here.”
“But why? It’s just…. too much! How can you even ask such an amount of money?” She sighed and let herself drop back into the chair on the other side of the desk.
“I am sorry ma’am. Rules are rules.” He leaned over and pulled a form out of a pile. “If you are going to pay, you will have to sign these forms, then she will be out in an hour.” The officer handed the form to the red haired girl and stared at her deeply concerned face. The officer felt sorry for the girl. He could clearly see she wanted the other girl out of jail, but he knew it was a lot of money she had to pay.
Lena stared down at the form and the amount on it. It was quite a large sum and she knew that if she paid it, all their savings would be gone. They wouldn’t have anything left. Still, she just couldn’t bear to let her friend in here for another two weeks. Slowly her eyes browsed the desk, looking for a pen. When she had located it, she slowly reached for it and picked it up.
She tried not to think when she wrote her signature on the paper and handed the form back to the man. “Can I see her now?”
“Yes, you have 5 minutes.” He said and stood up.
Lena pushed the chair away from the desk and followed the man through the room. They walked into a long corridor and at the end he opened a door with a key.
‘It felt strange’ Lena thought, she had never imagined she’d be in here to bail someone out.
“Last one on the right.” The man said and pointed to the end the hall.
Lena nodded and walked in. She stared at the people around her for a second, talking. She didn’t even really heard them, their voices sounded like the blowing of the wind. She tried to focus on the end of the hall, and never looked sideways, she didn’t want to see the people in here. She didn’t want to know what they looked like and why they were there. She just needed to see her friend, badly. When she’d walked to the end of the hall she looked to the right. Behind the bars was the girl she was looking for, sitting on a bunk, staring at the ground, her legs pulled up, her arms hugging them.
“Why?” Lena said, walking up to the bars.
The girl behind them jolted when hearing her friend’s voice and looked up. “Lena!” Yulia jumped up from the bunk and walked over to the steel bars, grabbing them, and staring into her lover’s face.
“I asked you a question!” Lena said, in a monotonous voice. “Why?”
Yulia dropped her head now, staring at the ground. “I don’t know…”
Lena reached for the bars, her hands just above Yulia’s. “I don’t believe that.” Her voice became harsher, and she noticed Yulia flinched.
“I wanted to give you something, you were so sad Lena… I am sorry.” She rested her head against the bars and swallowed.
“That’s no excuse…” She stared at the girl who was leaning helplessly against the bars. “I bailed you out…”
“No!” The dark haired girl raised her head and stared back at Lena’s angry face. “No, you can’t do that, it’s too much money!”
“What did you expect me to do? I won’t leave you in here, look at this place!”
“No, but Lena it is too much!” Tears were stinging in the back of Yulia’s eyes.
“I already did.” Lena replied and stared back, still not showing much more than pure anger. She moved her hand a little and suddenly noticed the ring on her hand. “Did you buy that ring…?”
“Yes... I did. Lena please, can we discuss this later?”
Lena slowly undid her hand from the ring and stared at the inscription. “Forever is a long time…!” she said and threw the ring on the floor. It bounced a few times on the tiles, then rolling into Yulia’s cell. “You’ll be out in an hour, don’t expect me to wait for you!” She said. Then, without giving her lover another look she turned and left, leaving Yulia alone.
“Lena….!!!!!!!!” Yulia screamed hear head resting against the bars to get a glimpse of the girl walking away. “Lena please!!!!! I am sorry, I am so sorry…. Please…” When she didn’t get a response from the red haired girl she sank down to the ground, holding on to the bars, her head resting against it, sobbing.


Lena pulled her coat close around her, walking through the streets. Tears were running down her cheeks, her hair sticking on her face. It was snowing hard outside and the cold was almost unbearable but she didn’t care. She had no desire to go home, knowing Yulia would be there in a short while. She didn’t want the fight right now. They would have to deal with that later. Lena coughed a few times, then stared at her hand holding the zipper of her coat. Her finger suddenly felt very empty without the heavy silver ring. Just yesterday that ring had made all the difference and now it had ripped them apart again. Lena sighed and continued her stroll, without actually knowing where she would go, she suddenly felt drawn to a little bar, she’d noticed it a while back. She slowly turned and walked over there. She knew she wouldn’t be able to buy herself a lot of drinks, but just the thought of warm air surrounding her was enough. Slowly she opened the heavy door to the bar and could smell the scent of alcohol and sweat when she entered. That mixture comforted her somehow. The warm air inside cleared her mind a little and she looked around.
The place wasn’t big, though it was crowded. Well it was Friday night, so it made sense. She walked through the crowd trying to make her way to the bar when someone stopped her.
“Hey you!”
Lena turned around and stared up into two dark brown eyes. “Hey… do I know you?”
Ah no, let me introduce myself. “I am Ian.” The young man extended his hand to her and gave her a huge smile.
Lena hesitated for a second, then placed her hand in his. She felt his strong hand around hers while they shook hands. “ I am Lena” She gave him a look.
“Well Lena, could I buy you a drink, cause looking at your face I think you could use one.”
Before Lena could actually answer the young guy, he had already started moving his tall body through the crowd and before she knew it he stood at the bar getting her a drink. Lena shook her head. This was strange. ‘He’s a cute guy, though.’ She thought. She had never even thought anything like that about a guy in a long time. She felt a bubble of laughter coming up, it was just so stupid. She didn’t feel any sexual attraction but couldn’t help thinking about how cute he looked.
A short while later the young guy came back holding two drinks, smiling at her. “I see you’re feeling a little bit better?” He handed her a glass and sipped his own drink.
“Yeah I am feeling better already, thank you for the drink, you really shouldn’t have…”
“Ah well, no problem, don’t be bothered by it. I wanted too.” Ian gave the red haired girl a big smile showing his white teeth, and brushed a hand through is half long dark brown hair. “Come” he said, and took her hand guiding her to a table.
Lena felt the sudden pull on her hand and spilled some of the alcoholic drink on her shirt. She walked after him to a small table and stared a second at the stain on her white shirt. She noticed the young guy looking at it as well; it was very noticeable, since the stain was on her right breast.
“Oh, I am sorry, wait I’ll go get you something, so you can clean it.”
“No, don’t worry about it, it will dry.” She shrugged and smiled.
The young man pulled one of the chairs from the table and gestured her to sit down. For a second she thought she should leave but then the unwelcome thought of home entered her mind and she thought the better of it. She had no idea what she was supposed to do, and she knew she had to go home sooner or later, though now was not the moment. She was badly hurt by her lover and she wanted to let Yulia feel it. Lena grabbed her glass and drank the alcohol in one long sip. When she put the glass back down on the table she noticed the young man, she had just met, staring at her.
“Wow, I don’t see many girls do that!” He stated.
“Well I was a little thirsty.” She replied.
“Then I should get you another drink.” He jumped up again and disappeared in the crowd, without giving her time to answer.
Lena looked down at the table and noticed the pack of cigarettes lying there. She hadn’t smoked in years, but for some reason she felt like taking one cigarette. She doubted that Ian would mind and took one cigarette out of the box. Another hesitation, she shrugged again and lit the cigarette. She inhaled deeply and felt the smoke stinging in her lungs a little. She didn’t cough, her lungs still faintly used to the smoke, though it felt strange.
Ian returned now with a decanter and two empty glasses. “I thought this would be easier, now I don’t have to walk over to the bar every time.”
“Thanks.” Lena said and filled the glasses. “Though you really shouldn’t have to do that.”
“Oh, just don’t worry about it okay? Ah you smoke?” He pointed at the cigarette she was holding.
“Well I started again about a minute ago” She laughed, looking at the burning cigarette.
Ian laughed and sat down again. “So what’s a young girl like you doing here alone in a bar? I haven’t seen you around before.”
Lena emptied her glass again. “Well, I didn’t feel like staying at home, I had a nutsty day…”
“Want to talk about it?” He said. “Sometimes telling someone you don’t really know, can bring a little relief.”

[Darlene]

“Ah no, not really, its just that someone I trusted with my life, just did something…”
“Oh” he said, “I understand. You don’t have to tell it if you don’t feel like it.” He took another sip of his drink and put his hand over hers, squeezing it for a second.
“Ah well, it doesn’t matter now, I’ll deal with that later, I don’t know. I just felt like going out.” Another glass empty. Lena felt the alcohol slowly moving through her body, clouding her mind. It felt good, though her legs were getting a little heavy. “And what is a guy like you doing here alone? No girlfriend?”
He laughed. “No girlfriend, I had one, but she left me some time ago.”
“Why?” Lena asked, sadness in her eyes.
“She cheated, but don’t worry I am over that. It’s been some time now.” He noticed that their hands were still entwined and he just didn’t want to let this beautiful girl go. He loved the sound of her voice, her beautiful eyes. She was just totally beautiful.
“You know, girls can not be trusted!” Lena said, pointing at him. She stared at her cigarette and noticed it had been completely burned. “Do you mind if I take another one?”
“No, not at all” he said. Slowly he released her hand out and lit two cigarettes, one for him, and one for this girl in front of him. His hand felt suddenly cold and very empty, his skin screamed for the warm hand of the young girl. He shook his thoughts off and handed her the cigarette.
“Now back to the subject, I think some girls can be trusted.” He inhaled and said the words while small clouds of smoke passed his lips.
“Like who?” Lena replied.
“Like you.” He smiled and noticed the red haired glancing down at the table. He reached out to her with his hand, slowly pulling her face up. Just staring into the green sea in the eyes of this girl made him feel lost. His heart skipped a beat and without even realizing what he did he leaned over the table, staring into her eyes. He noticed her staring back at him, a little confused and not sure what to say.
“I am sure of that, aren’t you?” He whispered his lips barely touching hers. Then he gently kissed her lips.
Going mad

Part 2, chapter 3

Yulia walked into the building, grateful for the warm air inside. She opened her coat pocket, grabbed the key from the place she called home, and walked up the stairs.
Her palms felt sweaty and she was anxious how Lena would react after she’d enter the room. It was going to be hell, she was sure of it. While walking home she tried hard to think about what she would tell Lena, why she’d done it, an excuse, anything that would make Lena feel better, but she couldn’t think of anything. The hour she had to wait at the police station, after their conversation, had been the longest hour in her life, she had just wanted to walk home with Lena right away. Yulia had prayed, hoped and wished that Lena would be there, waiting for her after her release, even though she’d already told Yulia that she wouldn’t. After the guard had opened the door she had immediately realized Lena wasn’t there and she’d been so disappointed.
‘She was right, though.’ Yulia thought and opened the door. She paused for a second, staring into the small hall through the open door, not even being sure if it was a good idea to enter. Although she knew it also wasn’t a good option to keep on standing here. She wouldn’t be able to stand there all evening she just had to walk in.
The dark haired girl took a deep breath and walked through the open door. Her heart was pounding fast in her chest and she’d swear she actually saw the movement of it through her sweater.
Slowly, she walked over to the living room, taking small steps at a time, hesitating with every step. Slowly, she opened the door, expecting to see Lena sitting on the bed, crying, or writing a letter to her parents. ‘Nothing’ Yulia shook her head.
“She is not here.” The dark haired girl told herself. She walked into the room and stared around.
‘Maybe she’s in the kitchen, or the bathroom.’ Yulia thought. But this feeling came creeping up, telling her Lena wasn’t in the house at all. She inspected the room for a second longer and noticed a small piece of paper on the bed.
She walked to the bed, feeling that her heart was about to explode, and opened the paper.

I won’t be here when you come home.
I don’t know when I will be back
I have no idea where I will be and I don’t care
As long as it’s not with you
I can’t deal right now
I have to think
Don’t wait for me

Yulia swallowed hard. ‘Oh nuts, please don’t do anything stupid Lena…’ she thought. She sat down on the bed and read the note again. ‘Where are you?’
She just had to go out and find her! Could she be at the train station, going back to Moscow? ‘No, she can’t be, there is no train to Moscow now.’
Yulia stood up and walked over to the closet, carefully opening it. Lena’s clothes were still there, so she wasn’t gone then, well at least not for good. But where could she be? Yulia didn’t like the idea of her friend being out there in the city, alone, in the evening. It was not safe, and where could Lena go to, they had hardly any money left! Yulia jumped of the bed and walked back into the small hall of the apartment. She had to go find her friend; Lena shouldn’t be alone, on the streets, it was just too dangerous. She was too emotional now, what if something happened? Yulia knew she would never forgive herself that’s why she had to find her.
She grabbed her coat and a shawl, and briskly walked out of the apartment. No time to think, she had to know if Lena was safe because that was all that mattered!


Lena wildly pushed her chair back, accidentally hitting someone standing right behind her, who nearly fell but who had grabbed her chair just in time. Suddenly, Lena was pulled back and she fell off her chair. She landed hard on the floor and felt a pain shoot through her arm. Her mind was getting clouded, though, and she wasn't exactly sure what was happening. She could smell the scent of alcohol in the carpet and tried to get up. Slowly she first sat up after which she pulled herself up with help of the table. When she looked up the young boy was looking at her, his eyes confused and dark.
“I am so sorry…” He stuttered.
“What were you thinking?” Lena replied in a croaked voice. She felt the anger building in her body and really had to restrain herself. The alcohol in her body made the emotions even stronger, especially the rage and the hurt she was experiencing.
“I said I am sorry, I just thought….” Ian panicked, he had no idea what to do.
“You just thought, well lets kiss her?” She was actually yelling at him.
“Sorry, I thought you wouldn’t mind, I like you!”
“Well let me tell you something, mister…” She pointed a finger at him, and swallowed before continuing, her mouth dry from the alcohol.
“What? Why cant I? Are you seeing someone?” The young man was getting a little mad, this was just unexpected, the red-haired girl had seemed nice and now this.
“Well, because I am a lesbian!” Lena blurted. She immediately noticed everyone staring at her. Conversations had stopped and everyone turned to look at the young girl yelling at the tall, young, man.
“You’re not…” He stuttered. “You’re just confused…!”
“Well, I’ve heard that quote before.” She shook her head and turned towards the people staring at her. “What are you looking at?”
“Lena, please, don’t do this. Calm down a little. I said I was sorry…” Ian tried.
“You know what, I don’t even care. I think I should go.” She grabbed the chair, lying on the floor, and put it upright, pushing it towards the table. Her movements wild and uncontrolled.
“Let me at least bring you home, don’t go like this…” He walked over to her, trying to give her some support to walk out. Ian noticed the alcohol was rapidly spreading through the young girl's body, she was drunk.
“NO!” Lena pushed the tall guy backwards, who stumbled and landed on the table. She gave him a look, her eyes filled with rage and turned to leave.
“pregnant dog!” He screamed while trying get up again, staring at the young girl, making her way to the exit.

Right behind her a blonde haired girl moved from the bar towards the hat rack, grabbed her coat and followed the red haired girl out.

[Darlene]

Lena stepped outside, the freezing air hitting her hard in the face. She closed her coat tight and walked down the street. She had no idea what she was going to do now. ‘Maybe I should go home." She thought and then shook it off. ‘No, I don’t want to, I don’t want to go home. Her mind was groggy; she didn’t want to let Yulia see her in the state she was in now. She pulled her dark blue coat closer, trying to protect herself from the hard wind, though it didn’t help much.

“Hey, wait up.” A high melodious voice filled the silence.
Lena stopped, not sure if she should turn around or just walk on. She slowly decided, the turned and noticed a girl walking towards her, the girl’s blonde hair dancing in the wind. “What do you want?”
The girl walked over to her, stopped when she was just near Lena, and smiled. “I saw the argument you had back there, and I thought I’d come over and say hi.”
“What?” Lena stared at the young girl, confused. “Why?”
“Because, you’re interesting… I like your spirit!” She smiled again
“You do...?” Lena was caught off guard a little. She hadn’t expected this, especially not after what she had said in the bar.
“Yeah, I like you. Wanna go somewhere else?”
“Like where, and I don’t even know you… why would I go with you?”
The girl laughed, her white teeth shining in the dark. “My name is Eva. And I was thinking about going to another bar. Maybe we can get to know each other a little better. I don’t think you were planning on going home anyway. What do you have to loose?”
Lena tried to think about that; her mind didn’t let her anymore, though. She was drunk and thirsty. And the girl in front of her seemed nice and was beautiful.
“Nothing actually.” She replied and smiled faintly.
“Alright then, come with me….”
“Lena, I am Lena…” She answered.
“Lena, nice name, well Lena I know just the place.” The young blonde gestured with her hand, hoping the red-haired girl would follow her.

Lena nodded and they walked out of the street, never noticing the small form walking over to the bar staring through the window hoping to find a certain red-haired girl, who was not there anymore.


“Here” Eva handed the small red-haired girl another drink.
“Thank you...” Lena smiled and walked around the room. It had been painted in a dark red color and Lena felt it overpowered her. She stepped backward and nearly fell, her coordination completely lost by the alcohol. She felt dizzy and she knew she was drunk. How many drinks had Eva given her since she had arrived at her home, seven? Eight? She couldn’t remember anymore.
Slowly, trying to keep her balance, she walked towards one of the walls and stared at the huge painting, hanging on that side of the room. The painting pictured a girl who was lying on a sofa, naked, her blonde hair covering her breasts. “She looks sad.” Lena said with a double tongue, looking at the features of the young woman in the painting. “Is that you?”
“Yes, it is. Do you like it?” Eva smiled at the young girl and took another sip of her red wine.
Lena nodded. “Were you sad?” She asked again, now directly facing the beautiful blonde.
“I was at the time, yes.”
“Why?” Lena asked, turning away from the picture staring into the blue eyes of this blonde girl. She was not that old, Lena thought. Twenty, twenty-two years at most.
“Let’s just say, I was still a teenager then, and it had been a rough time.” She shrugged.
“I see.” Lena replied and walked over to the couch. She was getting tired, her legs felt heavy and she couldn’t even think straight anymore. She felt her thoughts fading away, more and more, her body heavy from the alcohol.
“A friend of mine made it…” Eva continued. “He asked me if I wanted to, and I did. It helped me, the picture. It reminded me of change.” She turned around to stare at Lena, her tall frame in front of the painting.
Lena stared from the painting back to the blonde, and noticed the similarities. The painting was very sensual to look at and, seeing the girl drawn on the painting standing before her, wasn’t making it any better. She felt arousal building just by looking and comparing. She started wondering if the curves, of the body on the painting, were like that in reality, if the Eva’s skin was that fair underneath those clothes.
“Hmmmmm…” Lena said and yawned.
The blonde girl laughed and walked over to the couch. “You’re tired.” she said and she took the still half full glass from the red-haired girl. She placed the glass on the small table and seated herself next to Lena, her leg brushing Lena’s.
Lena stared down, blushing. She felt the heat from Eva’s leg radiating through her jeans, firing her own skin. “Yeah, a little, I think.” She was tired but not just that. She was felt an overpowering sexual attraction as well.
“Come…” Eva jumped up and took the red-haired girl’s hand in her own, pulling her off the couch. She walked over to a door, opening it and gesturing the young girl to follow her.
Lena stared around the room; the bed was huge and seemed so appealing, though her mind thought about home for a short second. She really should go home, Yulia was there. ‘Yulia….’ Her heart skipped a beat.
“I should go home....” She suddenly said. She turned around to be greeted by the look in her new friend’s eyes.
Eva smiled at the young, drunk, girl and took both of her hands in her own. She smiled faintly and leaned forward, her lips brushing the red-haired girl’s soft lips.
She pulled back for a moment, staring into the deep green eyes of the young girl, then kissed her again.
Lena felt the soft warm lips brushing her own and the last thoughts of home disappeared. The intoxicating alcohol, the warm lips, the beautiful blonde, it was all too overpowering. Her heart started beating faster, her body, intoxicated from the alcohol, now heated rapidly, a fever of pure pleasure, and need, replaced every other feeling she had. A shot of pure arousal went right down her belly as she hungrily started to kiss Eva’s warm lips, her tongue teasing them, demanding entry, wanting more. The warm sensuous full lips felt so wonderful. Without thinking, her hands started to roam over the blonde girl’s body. She wanted her to undress. She needed her now! Her body wanted so badly to be touched by this creature, this beautiful female form in front of her. She couldn’t even recall what had happened, how she’d gotten here, or what had happened in the bar, or how she had met this woman. She didn’t care all she wanted just now was HER. Nothing seemed to matter, nothing, but the need for release.
She felt Eva’s warm hands move under her shirt, undressing her slowly, teasing her skin. The blonde girl pushed her on the bed and undid her jeans. Lena watched as she saw the blonde girl undressing herself quickly. She was just as beautiful as the painting, the curves the same, the skin of her body just as fair. Slowly, almost catlike the blonde crawled onto the bed, she moved slowly towards Lena, her golden hair hanging around her shoulders.
The entire woman itself was arousing, Lena thought. Her body craved for this woman. Lena breathed heavily as the young woman hovered over her and kissed her again. The kiss was deep and passionate, and made them both crave for more. Eva lowered herself on top of the small girl, careful not to lay her full weight on the small frame, kissing her more, one hand roaming over the small body, touching the breasts, teasing the skin of the soft belly, then moving further down, teasing the reddish curls.
Lena didn’t care anymore, nothing mattered but the heavy arousing feeling she had, she moaned, leaning into the touch asking for more.
Eva smiled. “Just say the word…” she whispered into the red-haired girl’s ear, nibbling the earlobe at the same time.
“Please…” Lena managed to say, she could hardly speak, her mouth was dry from the alcohol, her lips swollen from the kisses, and her mind gone from the arousal.
Slowly Eva moved down, dipping a finger into the red-haired girl’s wetness. She noticed how the girl’s hips leaned into the touch and she moved on, slowly entering the girl with a finger, pushing inside her. She found the rhythm and watched how the red head dug her hands into the sheets, arching her back and occasionally moaning. Time passed as their hot, wet, bodies rubbed against each other, the fingers of the blonde arousing the red-haired girl more and more. Lena breathed heavily, lost into the motion. Finally, when the building desire had reached it’s peak, she gripped the sheets tight and let out a heavy moan, followed by just one word: “Yulia…”

[Darlene]

Yulia stared outside, her forehead resting against the cold window. She wondered how long she had been standing here, looking down, hoping to see her girlfriend finally coming home. A tear slid down her cheek, one of many that had fallen that night. She had been out half the night, searching, hoping she would find her friend, so she could take her home to argue or to fight, but she had failed. In the end she had gone back home, to wait, while looking out of the window and she was still there now.
There was nothing more she could do and it hurt her badly.
Suddenly, she noticed a car entering the street, it was just an ordinary car, but she caught a glimpse of red inside it and knew instantly that it had to be her lover.
Without thinking, she walked away from the window, grabbed the keys from the desk and ran out of the apartment. Her heart was beating fast as she ran down the flight of stairs, almost tripping and falling down. She couldn’t even care if she had fallen down. As long as she would make it outside, it was okay. Her mind raced, thinking about where the red-haired girl had been that night, but also glad, because someone was bringing her home. Home… the place where they both belonged! It didn’t matter where it was, as long as they were together it could be called home. Yulia could see that now. She wanted to cry in front of her friend, apologize and make it up with her. She would do anything to mend the pieces. She didn’t care. She had been so frightened. She had thought she’d actually lost Lena. The thought still heavy in her chest, she jumped down, not bothering to run down the last stairs, and practically ripped the front door open. Outside, she noticed the car had just stopped nearby and she could see a blonde woman getting out of the car, opening the passenger’s door.
Yulia stopped dead in her tracks. Her heart beating like hell she fiercely hoped that it was Lena! She first needed confirmation before she was going to run, as a lunatic, towards the car. The snow was falling heavily, and she started to feel the cold air through her sweater. She hadn’t even bothered to get her coat, and only now that she stood still, watching the car from a small distance, she felt how cold it actually was. The cold snow brushed against her face and she took a deep breath.
At that moment someone was getting out of the car, everything seemed to happen in slow-motion, she noticed how the blonde woman, was saying something to her passenger. She noticed how the passenger, it was Lena, shook her head, pulling her winter coat close around her. Yulia started to move in the direction of the car, she wanted to scream to Lena, suddenly, she saw the young blonde leaning into Lena, pushing her gently against the car and kissing her.
Yulia immediately stopped and blinked a few times. A sudden feeling of deep hurt ran through her body. She staggered backwards leaning against the cold wall of the building staring...
Yulia, still standing against the cold wall, her feet buried into the deep fresh snow, suddenly noticed Lena staring at her. ‘What had Lena done?’ Yulia's mind screamed and she sank down into the snow, she didn’t want to think anymore but she just wanted to die right here, right now.

Going mad

Part 2, chapter 4
A million thanks to Brooke


“Goodmorning” The words were whispered in her ear, the breath tickling the soft skin around it.
Lena opened her eyes and let out a long breath. She was lying on her stomach, hugging the pillow her head was resting on; her hair sprawled over the cushion. She blinked a few times, wondering where she was. She tried to focus on her surroundings, hoping to find something familiar but, for some reason, she didn’t recognise anything. Slowly she turned herself onto her back and stared into the blue eyes of a blonde woman.
“I thought you were never going to wake up…” the woman said, sitting on the bed, her naked body glistening in the sunlight that was shining into the room.
Lena’s mind started racing and all of a sudden her memories seemed to return from nowhere. She grabbed the sheets and lifted them from her body, staring down. ‘Oh God, I’m naked…’ Not sure what to do, she looked up again at the young woman. She wasn’t sure what to say to the blue-eyed girl sitting naked in front of her.
“I have to know… did we…” Lena started, hesitant, still looking back and forth from her own naked body covered by the sheets, to the naked form in front of her.
“Yeah, we did…” The young woman smiled and looked at the red haired girl.
‘Oh God, tell me it isn’t true, oh God Yulia.’ Lena jumped up thinking about her. She grabbed the sheets and got out of the bed. Her eyes roamed the room, searching for her clothes. She wanted to get dressed as soon as possible and go home. Her heart felt heavy in her chest and she really wanted to cry, but she knew though, now wasn’t the time.
“What are you doing?” Eva asked, throwing her blonde hair over her shoulder as she gave the young read head a concerned look.
“I have to go… I really have to go…”
“Why? Where do you have to go…?” Eva got out of bed too; she didn’t bother to cover her tall naked body, and started helping the young red haired girl to pick up her clothes.
“I have to go home.” Lena grabbed her jeans and pulled them on, stumbling, trying to cover her body with the sheets.
“Why?” Eva tried again. She really liked this girl and had hoped things would be just as nice this morning, as they had been last night. Eva had been watching the sleeping beauty all morning. She had found her so beautiful, and she had prayed to anyone listening for this girl to be hers, now it seemed like everything had changed.
“I just… I can’t explain…” Lena pulled her shirt over her head, the stain on it bringing back more memories. “Oh God….” She covered her mouth with her hands, and closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears.
“Whoooa, don’t cry please. Wait I’ll get you a new shirt.” Eva quickly walked over to a cabinet and pulled a shirt out, she knew it would probably be too big for the young girl but it would have to do. She propped the shirt into the girl’s hands. “Put that one on. I should probably leave you alone, so you can get dressed. When you are done, I’ll drive you home.” Eva turned around grabbing some of her own clothes on the way out. Before she closed the door behind her she smiled at the young girl again. “I hope you’ll feel a little better later…” Then she closed the door behind her.

Lena stared at the door for a second. She dressed as quickly as she could. She wanted to cry so badly, but she knew now wasn’t the right time. She had to get home as soon as possible. She had to go and see Yulia.
Yulia… how on earth was she going to tell her this? Her mind was racing, there were so many things to worry about. How did she end up here, what had really happened? Her mind was still a little foggy and she wasn’t even sure she wanted to know.
She pulled the shirt over her head and checked herself in the mirror. She wasn’t looking too good, but considering her feelings at this moment it was okay. She had no idea what she was supposed to do, but going home was a priority. ‘What has Yulia been doing all night?’ Lena thought. She must have been so worried…
Shaking the thoughts off, she walked to the living room. Lena noticed Eva was already dressed in faded blue jeans and a blue shirt.
“Ready to go home?”
Lena nodded, and wandered to the door.
“I have your coat right here.” Eva smiled again and pushed the coat in to the red haired girl’s hands.
They walked down, without saying a word. Lena couldn’t speak to the young woman. She seemed so nice, but she just didn’t want more memories about last night to invade her mind, she was feeling too lousy already. Slowly she entered the car. Eva was sitting behind the wheel, driving them out of Eva’s neighbourhood into the city. Except for Lena giving Eva directions they didn’t have any conversation.

Eva wondered what the young red head was thinking. She could clearly see she wasn’t feeling good at all, but she was too afraid to continue asking about it. She just hoped the small girl would feel better in a little while and she secretly hoped to see her again. When she drove up to the street Lena had told her to she wondered what she had to do to show her she really cared for this cute girl. She stopped the car and got out, opening the door for Lena.
“Well, you’re here…” She started and smiled.
“Thank you for driving me home…” Lena whispered, her head down when she got out of the car.
“No problem… I must say that this is not a nice place to live…” Eva said desperately.
“I know, but well it’s okay really.” Lena continued staring at the ground, leaning against the car.
“I just wanted to say… I really like you.” Eva felt really helpless and leaned into the girl. Without thinking she kissed the soft red lips of the young girl and retreated when she didn’t get a reply.
“I am sorry I can’t…” Lena looked up and stared down the block to the front door of the building she lived in. At that moment she noticed a black haired girl sinking down against the wall covering her face with her hands. “Yulia!!!!!!”