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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:05:55 GMT -5
Yulia stared down at the floor. “So… this is it right?” “Please… please Yulia… I am so sorry…” Lena sat down on the bed, tears streaming down her face. “Were you sorry last night?” Yulia’s voice was harsh and cold. “I was drunk…” Lena tried again. “So what kind of excuse is THAT?” Yulia felt her body shaking and stood up from the chair. She needed to do something because there was so much anger inside her. Though she had no idea what she could possibly do though. “I don’t know what to say…” Lena continued, sobbing. From all the times she had felt bad this was the worst. She had no idea what to do, or what to say to make things better, but she knew there was probably nothing she could do. “You never should’ve come with me…” “But then you would’ve been here all by yourself…” Lena had no tears left, and breathed heavily; she tried to compose herself only to find out she couldn’t. “Well better that than you here cheating on me…” Yulia walked over to the desk and grabbed the candle that was on it. Without thinking she threw the candle through the room, nearly hitting Lena, and it smashed against the wall. “I f**king hate you!” She breathed heavily, and shook her head. “I am sorry… I am so sorry… please Yulia…please…” Lena stared at the mad girl that was her friend, her lover, or was she? “It’s over… I am sorry, but I can’t do this.” Yulia walked to the hall and grabbed her coat. Lena jumped from the bed and ran after the young black haired girl. “No, no, no… please don’t go… don’t go.” “I think you’ve got real issues…and… I can’t I’m sorry.” Yulia turned around and opened the door and before Lena could run after her, she smashed the door shut. Slowly Yulia started walking down the stairs, listening if the red haired girl would follow, but noted she didn’t. Her heart felt heavy in her chest and she wanted to cry forever. When she had finally made her way downstairs she wondered what she had to do now. She had to find a new job, she had to find a place to stay… but how was she going to pay for it when she had no money at the moment? Finding a job wasn’t the worst part, paying rent for a place was. She wondered if she should go back to the hotel, but knew it wasn’t really an option. Just when she thought everything was hopeless she noticed she'd just passed the owner's office door. ‘Maybe he has another room left…’ Yulia walked over to the door and knocked on it. It was her only hope, really. She wouldn’t be totally out of Lena’s sight, but didn’t have to be in the same room either. It might be a good thing. Though her heart was hurting beyond anything she had ever felt, she didn’t want to loose the girl completely just yet. She just couldn’t do that. “Yes…” Yulia looked up, she hadn’t noticed the man opening the door, and was startled by his sudden voice. “I am sorry to disturb you sir… I was just wondering… do you have another room left?” “You’re miss Volkova from the 4th floor right?” The man said and stared into the blue eyes of the young girl. “Yeah…” I just, I want a room of my own.” “I see…” The man continued staring at the girl. Yulia looked up at him and wondered what he was thinking. The man wasn’t very old, probably in his thirties. Wearing a casual outfit. “Hmmm well I do have one room on the 5th floor left. Its smaller than the one you already have though. It’s the attic. It’s only one room, so the kitchen is in the living room.” Yulia took a deep breath. “I ehm… I would like to rent that… well I have one problem though…” The man stared into the eyes of the small girl and a grimace showed on his face. “What is the problem…” “I can’t pay in advance yet. I have to get a new job and well…” Yulia’s heart pounded fast. If she could get the room then she would have at least one tiny problem less. “Hmmm, I see…” He leaned against the door and kept on staring at the small girl. “Why don’t you come inside… we might be able to make a deal.” He took a breath and gestured her to come inside. Yulia stared at the open door; this was unexpected. She wondered what the deal could be, but she had a faint idea of what he wanted from her, just by judging the way he was looking at her. She didn’t like it. She didn’t even really want to… ‘What choice do I have…?’ The dark haired thought. She took another breath and stared at the stairs one more time, knowing that 4 floors above her was a young woman that used to be her girlfriend. ‘Well I have nothing to loose anymore anyway…’ Everything was so hopeless now. She really needed a place to stay. She really had no other choice then but to go inside. She stared up at the man and nodded. “Okay… thank you.” And then walked in. The silence in the room was suddenly disturbed by a loud knock on the door. Lena jumped up from the bed. She felt so incredibly lousy, her muscles weak and her mind groggy from the thinking and the crying she had been doing for the past hour. There was nothing left for her anymore. She had no idea what she should do. She just hoped Yulia would somehow forgive her… some day. Without really knowing what she was doing she went over to the door and opened it. She saw Yulia standing in front of her, her head down, not looking up into the red haired girl’s face. “I come to collect my things..” “No….” Again, Lena started crying, she was completely exhausted from all the times she had been crying throughout the day but she still couldn’t prevent the new flood of tears. “Yea… I ehm.. I found a new place.” Yulia stepped around Lena. Never looking at her. She walked straight to the room. Grabbing a bag from under the bed, and searching through the room to find some of her belongings. Right behind her Lena stumbled in… looking at her friend. “Where are you going? Are you going back to Moscow?” She took a deep breath, her voice was almost gone, whispering the words. “No... I will be staying in the building actually, I’ll be living on the 5th floor.” Yulia answered as she got some clothes from the closet and ignored the crying young girl. She really wanted to cry right now. She felt so bad and she was hurting so much. But she just didn’t want to cry in front of Lena. She was to mad right now. “How…” Nothing more came from Lena’s lips as she didn’t even really have the ability to speak anymore. “I made a deal with the owner of the building…” She desperately wanted to get out of this the room and go to her new room. She had so much to think about. “Shapovalov…?” Lena’s voice croaked. “Yeah, him.” Yulia grabbed another shirt and stared at the open door. She figured she had more than enough clothes for now, if she had forgotten anything she would just go down and get them. “Okay that’s it, I am going now.” She said the words, but still refused to look up and face the young red haired girl. Her voice was cold, but her heart was filled with grief. She never looked at Lena who started sobbing again when she walked out of the door. She noticed that the small girl, she had once called her girlfriend, her lover, was slowly following her. But wasn’t trying to stop her anymore. “I just have one more question…” Yulia said when she reached the front door. Lena just nodded, not able to speak. “Did you get that job?” Yulia asked, facing the door. “Yes…” Yulia opened the door and turned around. For the first time since she had come back to the room, she looked into the red eyes of Lena. She noticed how terrible the red haired girl looked and wanted to look away. She didn’t want to see her like that. Yulia swallowed hard and stared into the green grey eyes. “Good, because you’re going to have to pay for this room…” After saying that, she turned around and walked up the stairs, leaving a crying girl behind on the 4th floor. Yulia was sitting on the floor of her small room; she’d pulled her legs up and was hugging them. She stared at the wall as another tear slipped out of the corner of her eye. The room she was now renting was about the same size as the living/bedroom she had shared with Lena, only here the kitchen was in the same room. It was big enough for her alone, though. She wouldn’t have cared if it had been the size of a box. She had never felt more lonely in her entire life and she wished she could just die right here, right now; anything to stop the hurt. Even the pain she had felt when she thought she’d never see Lena again, on the train station in Moscow, was nothing compared to the incredible feeling of betrayal she was feeling now. She couldn’t even think about Lena being with another girl, the thought made her so sick that she actually had to throw up. “How could you do this to me!!!” Yulia screamed at the walls. “You’ve paid me back alright, I was thrown in jail for stealing… and you, you go…” She couldn’t say it. She breathed heavily, and swallowed hard to keep herself from vomiting. Slowly she got up from the floor, staggering backwards a little and walked over to the small bathroom. Another feeling of nausea dwelled up and she leaned down on the toilet. She couldn’t stop the feeling and threw up. Slowly she sank down on her knees, holding on to the white cold marble of the toilet. Another wave of nausea, made her throw up again, and again. She felt weak and lonely, the cold of the marble toilet comforting her, releasing a small part of her pain. With the little strength she had left in her body she pushed herself up and pealed of her jeans and sweater. She slowly moved towards the shower, holding on to the wall, afraid to fall down. She needed a shower right now. She needed to get clean, and to get everything out of her system. Slowly she turned the shower on, letting the water stream down, waiting for it to get hot. She closed her eyes as she moved under the jet stream. The hot water fell down on her light skin, marking it red. She felt it stinging as it hit her, but she didn’t feel like adding some cold to it. The pain from the hot water was strangely comforting her. Slowly she sank down, leaning against the cold white tiles, the hot shower spraying over her. What was she going to do? She had no idea how to move on with her life anymore. Everything seemed meaningless. She would give anything just not to feel anything right now. She didn’t want the immense pain in her soul, or her nausea. She would rather have nothing at all. She was so tired. “Why…” she whispered. Her voice echoed in the small room. “Why do I love you…?” Yulia dropped her head closing her eyes. She didn’t even notice the small pool of blood that gathered around her body on the floor, washing away down the drain.
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:06:40 GMT -5
Going Mad Part 2, chapter 5 2 weeks later. “So, when are you going to tell me what’s on your mind?” A young girl turned her head, staring at her new friend. She picked up a bag with food, and dragged it to the other side of the small room. There she opened a cage and gently lifted a small animal out. With her free hand she opened a carton box and put the scared creature in it. “Nothing really…” Came the short reply. “Oh, come on Lena. I am not crazy you know!” The girl closed the carton box, straightened her back and brushed a strand of brown hair out of her face. She was a little taller than the red haired girl, and more muscled. The work at the vet had trained her small frame, turning her into a strong young woman. “I’m just thinking.” Lena frowned and looked at the girl in the corner, who was opening the bag of animal food. “I know that.” The girl replied, she smiled at the red haired girl and continued her work. “So now I wonder, what are you thinking about?” Lena sighed. “I want to buy someone a gift…” “Yulia?” The dark haired girl stopped her work and walked towards Lena. “Yes, Yulia…” Lena sat down on a small wooden bench and let out a long breath. “Do you have any idea what I could get her, Nika?” The dark haired girl stopped in front of Lena and sat herself down next to her friend. “I don’t know Lena. What is it for?” “Her birthday…” Lena swallowed hard. “It must be difficult for you…” Nika answered. She patted her friend on the leg, and gave her a sympathetic look. “Well, it’s all been my fault anyway. I just want to give her something. I don’t want her to have a birthday like this, I mean, she’s all alone.” “Yeah I know. It must be really hard for her.” Nika replied. “What does she like?” Lena thought about that. Yulia wasn’t the girl that needed, or wanted, much. She always seemed to be happy with the smallest of things. It was always more the thought that counted. Besides that, Lena had never even bought her friend a gift before, and she hadn’t even thought about what to give the dark haired girl, she had once called her girlfriend. She had been too occupied with herself, her thoughts about home. ‘Why am I such a moron?’ Lena thought. ‘I should’ve thought about this a long time ago. I only ever think about myself…!’ “No ideas, huh?” Nika gave Lena another look. “Hmmm, well then, what colour does she like?” Lena suddenly looked up, and stared into the dark brown eyes of her friend. “Blue, she likes blue!” She had suddenly gotten an idea. “So? Did that help?” Nika asked. Lena looked at the brown haired girl and smiled. “Yeah, I might have an idea…” “When is her birthday anyway?” “It’s tomorrow…” Lena frowned again. “Hmmm, that’s soon.” Nika stood up from the bench and walked over to the bag of animal food. “I hope she will accept it Lena. Whatever you give her.” “Yes, me too.” Lena shook her head and got up as well. There was still a lot of work to be done. She knew what to buy Yulia though. She could now only hope that the dark haired girl would accept it. The air in the small apartment was cold, very cold. The lights were dimmed. A small reddish light came from the back of the apartment, growing a little in the dark and then fading again. There, against the wall, staring into the room towards the bed was a dark haired girl. She was staring into nothing with her legs propped up and her arms around them. She held a cigarette in one hand, every now and then bringing it to her lips to inhale the smoke. She watched the tip of the cigarette glow up and then fade away again. In her other hand was a piece of cold metal. Yulia exhaled, and watched the smoke pass her lips. Slowly, she opened her hand and watched the silver ring lying on the palm of her hand. It had been so perfect, she thought, as she rolled the ring between her fingers and watched the design. It was so small, and yet too big for her. It was simple and yet so beautiful. She stopped moving it, and looked at the small green sea-coloured stone imbedded in the silver ring. It reminded her of the depth of Lena’s eyes. Endless, beautiful. She stared at the small stone for another few minutes then rolled the ring between her fingers again. She stopped her motions again and stared at the inscription this time. The letters were curly, the words now meaningless. Only a few weeks ago, they had made all the difference. “Forever…” The dark haired girl whispered. “Even forever would have been too short to be with you Lena…” A tear slipped out of her blue eyes, as she repeated the word forever a few times. “I never should’ve asked you to leave with me, should I?” A long breath escaped her lips. Slowly she stood up. Her muscles were cramped from sitting on the hard, cold floor. She had to go to work in an hour, and she still had to get dressed. She put the cigarette out in a small cup next to her on the floor, and stood up straight, stretching her back. She stumbled to the shower and grabbed some clothes off the floor. There weren’t a lot of clean clothes around, but she didn’t care. Slowly, she walked over to the sink and stared into the mirror. The face that was looking at her drew her a little bit back into reality. “Oh God…” She whispered at the mirror. “I look like nuts!” She studied her image more closely. There were dark edges around her blood red eyes. Her skin was pale, the light of the bathroom sharpening the effect. Her normal shiny black hair was now dim, and clinging to her head. She opened the tap and put her hands under it. The water was so cold it stung, but she threw it in her face anyway. She had to clear her mind, and she had to get herself looking better than she was now, she couldn’t go to work looking like this. “Get yourself together Volk…”, she firmly said to the image in the mirror. She swallowed hard, and gave her reflection a mad look. “I… have… to… move on okay!” She shook her head, knowing it wasn’t going to help her right now. “I need a shower…” She undressed and looked at the tiles. Dried, brown, blood was sticking to the walls and the floor. She took another deep breath. The last time she had been in the shower was two weeks ago, wasn’t it? The day she had left Lena. It seemed like yesterday. She had left their apartment and, after having made a deal with the owner, she had taken a shower. Her period had started right there and then. After that day she hadn’t even showered anymore. She could mentally slap herself thinking about all of that. “I really need to clean myself, and maybe clean the place a bit too. I can’t go on living like this…” It felt good when she told this to herself. She stepped into the shower and for the first time in weeks she felt a little bit better again. Lena walked into the warmth of the hallway, holding a plastic bag firmly in her hands. She had been out all afternoon shopping, and was glad she was finally home. She was very tired from wandering cold streets, and working all day, but knew she still had a lot of things to do. Taking a deep breath she started walking upstairs. She held the bag close to her body, afraid that she would drop or loose it. She wasn’t sure buying any of this had been a good idea, she thought, while looking at the bag containing Yulia’s gift. But this was better than nothing. ‘What will she think of me?’, she wondered, as she watched the bag carefully. ‘What if she won’t be home all day… Maybe she won’t even open the door.’ Her mind was racing. She had to think of something, a backup plan maybe. She just had to see Yulia tomorrow. She had to tell her that she’d been so wrong! She had to show her, somehow, that she was so sorry. Well she was beyond sorry, she still felt so bad! She didn’t have the words for it. Lost in thoughts, she suddenly bumped into someone. She missed a step and fell, knees down, on the stairs. She wanted to grab something, but she didn’t want to let go of the bag either, so she fell backwards down the stairs. After bumping down a few steps she landed on the hard floor. Slowly, she tried to sit up, rubbing her knees. “f**k!” She cursed. That was going to bruise for sure. Slowly, she raised her head, wondering who she had bumped into, and noticed a small person standing a few steps above her. “Yul…”
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:07:16 GMT -5
Yulia stared down at the red haired girl sitting on the floor, not able to say anything. She hadn’t seen Lena in two weeks, and now, when she had just finally gotten herself a little bit back together again, she was confronted with the petite red head. ‘She looks so beautiful, but she has lost so much weight…’The dark haired girl thought. She grabbed the banister and quickly walked down the steps. “You okay?” She whispered when she reached the bottom of the stairs, and stared down at the wooden floor Lena was sitting on. “I think so…” Lena answered, looking down. She had seen Yulia’s small frame and had realized she looked horrible. ‘And it’s all my fault…’, she added to the thoughts about Yulia’s appearance. “Nothing broken?” Yulia asked. She tried to regain her composure. She wanted to behave as normal as possible, even though she knew this was very awkward and, above all, very painful. “No, I am okay really…” Lena tried to get up, still firmly holding the plastic bag, putting one knee on the ground to push off. Her knee was hurting too much though, and she fell back onto the floor again. “You’re not okay. ”Yulia stated, she hesitated for a second and then extended her hand. Lena stared at it for a moment. She wasn’t sure if she should grab it. She took a deep breath, then accepting the hand held out for her, still trying to hold the bag as close to her as she possibly could, she pushed herself up from the floor and stood up straight. “Thank you.” She whispered at the dark haired girl. She felt the skin of Yulia’s hand in hers, and she had missed it so much. “You’re welcome.” Yulia answered. She stared at the face of the girl in front of her, trying to read the emotions off it. She wasn’t sure what she was hoping to find, but she couldn’t withhold her curiosity. A second longer she kept staring at Lena, then suddenly realising they were still holding hands. She had to break off the contact, though she didn’t really want to. She didn’t want to loose the first skin-contact they had in weeks, but there was still too much hurt. She had to choose for herself now. Slowly she let go of the warm, soft hand and immediately felt the empty, lonely feeling she’d had for weeks, creeping back into her body. “Are you going to work?” Lena suddenly blurted. She had to say something, anything. “Yes I am.” The dark haired girl replied, straightening her back. She had this sudden urge to look as if she was doing very good, though just seeing Lena made her heart pound incredibly fast. ‘Will I ever get over you Lena?’, she wondered. “Great…” The red haired girl replied. “Will you be working tomorrow as well?” She wondered if it had been a good thing asking Yulia, but now she would at least know if Yulia would be at home or not. “No, I have got my weekend tomorrow. Why do you ask?” Yulia still stared into the red head’s face. She looked down at the dark, plastic bag Lena was holding and wondered what was in it. She wanted to ask, but then decided otherwise. ‘It’s none of my business…anymore.’, she told herself. “I don’t know, I was just… I should probably go. You don’t want to be late for work… right?” “Yes, I should go to work.” Yulia took a breath and started walking down the flight of stairs. She didn’t say goodbye to Lena. ‘No more goodbyes. I think one goodbye was enough for me, maybe it was enough for both of us.’ She shook her head as she left the building, kneading her hand that was still tingling from the soft skin it had touched only a short moment before. Nika turned around looking at the red haired girl who was cleaning out a cage not far from her. “So, today is the big day huh?” Lena stared at her friend and gave her a nervous smile. “Yea. God, Nika I am so nervous.” “I know girl, I know. I am just trying to decide what I think is worse, having seen you miserable the past few weeks, or seeing you nervous as hell now!” She laughed a deep throaty laugh and opened a cage. Lena gave her a look and sighed. “I still wonder why you like me Nika. The way I’ve been acting…” “It’s alright. Don’t worry about it, okay? You are a nice girl. You just have a nuts load of problems on your tiny shoulders.” “Yeah, rub it in…” Lena gave Nika a smile. “Hey well, it’s true, right? So, what are you going to give her?” Nika asked, while putting some food into a small bowl. “Hmmm, well let me give it to her first, then I’ll tell you. I first want to know what Yulia thinks of it.” She gently picked up a small cat from the cage, petted it for a second before putting it back into the cage again. “Okay, now you did make me curious.” Nika let out another laugh. “But you are right I think. Just let me know how it went.” “I will.” Lena replied and closed the cage behind her. “Okay, I am done, are you almost done?”, she asked. “Go home Lena. You don’t have to wait for me, at least not today.” “Thank you.” Lena smiled at the brown haired girl and quickly grabbed her coat from the hanger. “Yeah, yeah, just go! And I want a full report on Monday…!” She yelled after the red haired girl running out of the door. She wondered if her friend had even heard the last sentence. ‘I really hope she will accept it Lena. I don’t know you that well, but I don’t think you will ever be able to live without her. Just don’t make a stupid mistake, like you did, ever again.’ Yulia narrowed her eyes and stared around the small room. She put her hands in her sides and nodded. “Much better.”, she stated and sighed. She had been cleaning her place all day and, now that she was done, noticed the immense difference. It had been so dirty. It hadn’t been very proper when she’d first entered it, and she had never even bothered to clean it, till now. She walked over to a small table and picked a box of cigarettes from it. “I earned that.”, she said. She took one cigarette out and put it between her lips, gazing at the table, looking for the lighter, but couldn’t find it. “d**n where did I put that…” She turned around and stared into the room. ‘I wonder what Lena would think of me, smoking…’ she thought. ‘Lena…’ She took a deep breath and pulled the cigarette from her mouth. “Why can’t I stop thinking about you?” She asked out loud, looking at the cigarette. She threw it back onto the table, and sighed. At that moment there was a knock on the door. ‘Who can that be?’, she frowned and strolled towards the door. ‘Probably Shapovalov… he’s early though.’ She grabbed the doorknob and looked around the room one more time. ‘Well, at least he can see I cleaned the place.’ In a swift movement she opened the door, expecting to see the tall man. She had a huge fake smile on her lips, that faded the moment she saw who was on the other side of the door. “Lena…” “Hi…” Lena stared at the dark haired girl and waved her hand. She immediately regretted the gesture. “What do you want?” Yulia whispered, looking at the red head. She crossed her arms and stared into Lena’s face, emotionless. “Ehm…” Lena dropped her head and pushed a plastic bag forward, towards Yulia. It was the same bag Lena’d had with her yesterday and Yulia lifted her brow when that thought entered her mind. “What’s in it?” She tried again, not accepting the bag. “It’s for you.” Lena answered. “Why?” Yulia asked, confused. Slowly she moved her hand forward and took the bag. “You don’t know?” Lena looked up and stared directly back into Yulia’s face. “No… what is this about?” She hadn’t opened the bag yet, because she first wanted to know what this all meant. “It is your birthday, Yul!” Lena let out a long breath and made a small gesture towards the bag. The blood drained from Yulia’s face when she heard that, and her already pale face was now so white Lena was afraid Yulia was about to faint. “Oh God…”, the dark haired girl started and peaked into the bag. “Open it, please…” The red haired girl pleaded, while directing her stare at Yulia, then towards the plastic bag, and then back to Yulia again. “I can’t… I shouldn’t…” Yulia said, her eyes fixed on the plastic bag. “Please Yul… It’s for your birthday. I just… please open it.” Lena hopped from one leg to the other. She was so nervous. Yulia took a deep breath and focussed on the red haired girl again. “Okay, ehm… do you want to come in?” Lena stared right into the big blue eyes of the petite spiky haired girl and tried to resist a huge smile starting to show on her face. “Sure…”, she whispered. Yulia stepped aside and held the door open for the red haired girl, noticing Lena’s slow catlike movements as she walked in. ‘She’s really on her guard.’, Yulia thought. ‘It’s so weird, she’s the same girl, and yet she could be a total stranger.’ Yulia sighed and closed the door behind them. She walked after the red haired girl into the living room, and gestured to one of the chairs for Lena to sit down. “Ehm, can I get you anything…”, she tried. She wasn’t sure what she should do, or say, really. All she could think about was the weight of the still closed bag in her hands and she was getting more nervous with every second that passed. “No, thank you.”, Lena replied, giving her former lover a quick, nervous smile and gesturing at the bag again. “Open it.”, she said again.
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:07:49 GMT -5
Yulia nodded and seated herself in a chair opposite Lena’s, while noticing how Lena’s eyes roamed the room, then looked at the small table, and fixated when she saw the cigarette box. The red haired girl picked the box up from the table, with her long fingers, and started to play with it. ‘No comment? That was odd.’, Yulia thought. She tried to focus on the plastic bag, she wanted to act as normal as possible, but it was extremely difficult. She wanted to know what was hidden inside it, but then again, she didn’t want to know it at all. She took a deep breath, opened the bag and stared at the contents. She put her hand in, and slowly pulled a red rose out of the bag. It was nicely wrapped in a brown coloured paper. She stared at it, while noticing a small smile had formed on her lips, the first real smile in weeks. She quickly composed herself and pulled the next item out. Lena stared at the dark haired girl, as she was taking the gifts out, and her heart raced. She had noticed the smile that had appeared on Yulia’s lips when taking the rose out, and now she saw Yulia opening the box containing her birthday cake. She couldn’t believe Yulia had totally forgotten her own birthday and she hoped the gifts would make this day a little bit better for Yulia. Lena still didn’t know if Yulia would like the last gift, though. The real gift. She wondered if the dark haired girl would accept it at all. But there was just no other way she could think of to say she was sorry. She knew how much she had hurt her friend, and she could only hope this would make Yulia understand how much she loved her. “Thank you.” Yulia said, as she opened the box containing the cake. “You’re welcome.” Lena replied. Yulia looked into the bag again, only one item still there. It was a small box. Her heart was beating fast when she pulled it out, and then stopped in mid-air, staring at it for a while. She wondered what possibly could be in there. ‘It’s so small.’ Yulia thought as she held it in her hands. “Open it.” Lena whispered, looking at her friend. Yulia nodded, and peeled the wrapping off. A small black box appeared. She nervously looked up and stared into Lena’s eyes. “What is it?”, she asked. “Please, just open it.” Lena said, desperately. Slowly, Yulia opened the box and stared at the content: A silver ring was resting on a soft layer of red velvet. It was the exact replica of the one she had in a drawer in her apartment. She picked the ring up and held it in her shaking hands. It was just as beautiful, Yulia thought, staring at the small silver ring. She rolled it between her fingers, noticing a difference. The stone wasn’t green. This stone was blue. She continued examining it, and noticed there was no inscription. She took a breath and looked up to Lena, who had now completely wrecked the box of cigarettes. ‘She must be as nervous as I am.’, Yulia thought. She took another breath and frowned. “Lena…” “I just...” Lena started. “I just had to show you, how sorry I am…I just don’t have the words Yul.” Yulia shook her head and looked down at the ring again. “I’m sorry Lena, but I can’t accept this…” Going Mad Part 2, chapter 6 Lena watched Yulia’s face carefully as she absorbed the words coming from those lips. “I’m sorry Lena, but I can’t accept this…” The sentence repeated itself in her mind, as she watched Yulia staring at the small silver ring in her hands. Lena bit her lip and swallowed. She definitely didn’t want to cry; she didn’t want to look too disappointed either. Lena had, in a way, expected this answer, though she had also hoped, and prayed that the dark haired would accept it. She had dreamt about Yulia’s look, her smile, how she would say ‘Thank you so much…’, How she would give Lena a kiss. ‘Me and my stupid daydreaming.’ Lena thought. She had known this would happen but she had so many dreams about it as well. But in those dreams Yulia had always given her a different answer. “I know” A long held breath released itself over the red lips. “At least I thought so…” Lena added. A long silence made the atmosphere hanging in the room even more thick. There were no sounds, nothing but two girls sitting opposite of each other looking into each other’s eyes. “It’s…” The spiky haired started, braking the silence. “It’s, too much.” Lena nodded, and swallowed hard. “Yea…” She wanted to add more, but she knew it wouldn’t help. Lena stopped talking and just gave a nervous smile to Yulia. “But…keep it. You might want to give it to me later.” Yulia smiled back at the red head and stood up from the chair she was sitting in. “Do you… do you really mean that?” Lena dropped a totally ripped cigarette box on the floor and stared stunned at the dark haired girl. “I mean it.” Yulia answered, as she moved closer to Lena. Slowly she leaned over taking Lena’s hand in her own. She opened it, staring at the palm for a moment, then laid the ring in it, closing the long fingers of the red head around it, her hand covering Lena’s. She stared into the green eyes that were only inches away from hers, and smiled. “Cake?” She suddenly asked. “No, thank you, I should probably go.” Lena answered, looking back into the big blue eyes of Yulia. “No. You should have some cake first, you need to gain some weight.” Yulia stood straight again, and picked up the birthday cake from the table. She moved over to the kitchen area, cutting two big pieces off the cake. She let out a long breath she didn’t know she had been holding, and stared at her shaking hands. She had so wanted to kiss Lena, even though she was so hurt by just seeing her. ‘It’s too soon for that…’ She told herself. She took another deep breath, trying to compose herself again and picked up the two plates in front of her. Slowly she turned and stared at the red head sitting in one of the chairs of her room, she noticed how Lena was staring at the ring in her hands, holding it so careful as if it was the most precious thing existing in this world. ‘She looks beautiful, but so pale and thin.’ Yulia thought. What had happened to them? Why did both of them always have to hurt like this? Why couldn’t they just live a happy life? ‘Stop it.’ She firmly said to herself and walked over to the sitting area. “Here you go.” She said as she moved one plate over to Lena, sliding it over the table. “Thanks” Lena said, looking up from her hands into the face of the dark haired girl. She gave Yulia a quick smile and picked the plate up from the table. She wasn’t hungry at all, but she started eating anyway. She tried not to look up from the cake as she took a bite, knowing that so close but so far away was the girl she loved so much, the girl she had hurt so much. She could still feel the warmth of Yulia’s hand lingering on her own hands. Their heads had been so close, and she had so wanted to kiss Yulia. ‘I can’t…’ She said to herself. ‘I can’t kiss her, I would only make things worse…’ She shook her head and took another bite of the cake. “What’s wrong” Yulia asked. She had noticed Lena frowning and shaking her head, and she knew so many things were troubling the red head. But so many things were troubling Yulia too. “Nothing, really.” Lena replied and looked up at the petite black haired. She took a deep breath and gave the dark haired a stern look. “You shouldn’t be worrying about me you know.” She added. “Why not?” Yulia asked, putting her own plate with still half a piece of cake on it, back on to the table. She folded her arms and stared into the deep green eyes of the girl in front of her. “Because…” Lena frowned again, and swallowed. “Because I don’t deserve that…” Yulia opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again and thought about the comment. “No…” She finally said. “No you probably don’t. But still, Lena…” “What?” Lena felt tears stinging in the back of her eyes, and fought hard to keep them there. “I never stopped caring…” Yulia ended. Then she stood again, picked up the half empty plate and took it to the kitchen. She couldn’t eat anymore. It was true though. She hated Lena for what she had done, but she had truly never stopped caring. Lena took a deep breath and felt a tear slip down. She coughed a few times and stood up from her spot as well, moving over the kitchen. “Yul…” Yulia turned around and stared right into the green eyes of Lena, she could see the tears that were slowly falling down, gliding over the red hot cheeks then falling onto the wooden floor. She swallowed and brought one hand up to Lena’s face. For a second she hesitated, then every so gently she placed her thumb on Lena’s cheek and wiped a tear away. She wanted to ask what Lena was going to say, but the words wouldn’t come. She just felt so sad, and at the same time so happy. Her heart was beating so fast, her senses were only aware of the closeness between her and the red head. Nothing else seemed to matter. Slowly she moved closer to the red head, staring at her, and catching another tear with her hand, then her head moved forward. She wanted to stop herself. It was ridiculous. She shouldn’t be doing this, it wasn’t right. Still she couldn’t help herself, the smell of the young red head was intoxicating, and her love for Lena was there more than it had ever been there before. She gently placed a kiss on Lena’s cheek, nipping a tear away. She took a deep breath and moved back again. Then she noticed Lena staring at her, in pure disbelief. “Yul… I should go…” Lena stammered. Lena’s face felt red-hot. The place where she had just been kissed was glowing, and her heart had dropped when she had felt the kiss. It was too awkward right now. "I should go", she thought. "We need more time". They needed time to adjust to this, and she needed to give Yulia time to think about all this. Yulia nodded, and looked down. She wondered if she had done the right thing, there were to many feelings again. She watched the red haired slowly move away from her, towards the door and leaving. She noticed how the red head never looked back as she shut the door behind her. ‘What is happening to me? What is happening to us?’ Yulia thought as she sank down to the floor, and while leaning against a wall she broke down in tears.
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:08:45 GMT -5
A gentle breeze brushed over her. It lifted her hair into the air, tickling her skin. She looked up staring at her surroundings, feeling the sun burning on her light bronzed skin. 'Beautiful' she thought as she looked at her surroundings. In a slow motion she moved down the green field. Everything was so peaceful here. The long uncut grass brushed her bare legs as she moved further down. ‘So many memories here’ she thought again. Somewhere in the distance she heard noises and she narrowed her eyes, focussing on the far end of the field. She could hear the water from the stream down there. The stream she always used to play in during summer. But that was not what she was trying to focus on. For a second she closed her eyes, trying to block all the other sounds out, the sound of the water in the distance, the rustling sound of the grass, and the songs of the birds. She took a deep breath and moved forward again, the sound was too unclear, or was it. She moved towards the stream moving more quickly through the long grass while the sun kept burning down on her. She could already see the water glistening in the light of the sun, and the big oak tree where she always used to play in. ‘It’s to hot.’ She told herself as she felt pearls of sweat rolling down her forehead gliding down along her eyebrow over her cheek, then down onto the ground. She stopped again, trying to wipe the sweat of her head with her t-shirt, just as she moved her arm it stopped in mid air. She looked down to her body noticing she was naked. ‘I forgot.’ She snickered looking down at her own body. She wiped the sweat away with her hand and moved on, listening to the sounds again. The closer she got to the stream the more clearer the sounds became, even though the sound of moving water became louder and louder. She could now define the sounds she was trying to focus on all along. ‘Laughter.’ She brushed a black hair out of her face, and suddenly slowed her pace. There near the oak tree, sitting on a rock near the water she saw what she was looking for. Two children were playing on the rocks near the water, tickling each other’s bare skin, when suddenly the taller of the two stood and jumped into the water. ‘Oh that is so cold!’ Yulia thought as she smiled looking at the scene. She saw the smaller girl jump backward as the water spat up towards her, and she could clearly hear the smaller one giggling and calling the name of the slightly taller child. “Yulia!” Suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks, listening to that name. ”I am Yulia.” She whispered. She had to move closer to see who those children were. She walked catlike towards the stream and sat down on a rock not to far from the playing kids. They wouldn’t notice her from here, but she could now clearly see them. She saw a head pop up from the dark blue water, wading to the side to climb out. She noticed the black hair sticking to the young child’s temples, and she could clearly hear the girl laugh. ‘That is my laugh.’ She told herself. Without thinking she moved closer to the scene, not thinking about getting caught by the two children anymore. She tried to get a better view of the two children, though one of them seemed to be her. Moving closer she could now get a better view of the playing kids, running around the water, climbing the rocks. Laughing as the younger version of her launched herself on the other child. “Gotcha!” She yelled and burst into laughter. “Yulia that’s not fair!” She heard the other child mocking though laughing. “You’re just slow Lena” The tall dark haired child snickered. “Lena” the young woman staring at the two children suddenly said. How old were they? Why couldn’t she remember this? What was this? She remembered the field; she remembered the oak tree and the stream. She remembered playing here all her life, but why didn’t she remember Lena being here? How old were these two children anyway? How old was she here? She wondered. She took a deep breath and moved even closer, but the two children just didn’t seem to notice her. ‘Five…’ she thought. ‘Not older then five, I think…’ She frowned as she now had a better view on the other child. The young child had red hair, wet from the sweat and water. Her skin was light and freckled. “That’s my Lena…” She whispered. “Why can’t I remember?” “You just wait, when I grow up, I’ll be bigger than you are!” The smaller red haired child laughed. Suddenly a voice called from somewhere in the field, Yulia turned her gaze from the two children, and stared down the field, narrowing her eyes to see who was shouting to the two kids. “Lena, Lena!” In the distance she could see a figure, a woman. Yulia stared at her for a second then recalled the voice. It was Lena’s mother. She remembered again. Slowly she turned around again to look at the two children who didn’t seem to notice her. The children were staring right through her as if she wasn’t there at all. “Lena…” The dark haired child whispered, moving back to the stone near the water. “What?” the red head replied, giving the taller child a frown. “Will I ever see you again?” Yulia laid her naked frame on the stone, drying in the sun. “Sure…” The red head responded. “When are you leaving…?” “Tonight, mum said.” Lena answered and gazed towards her mother. “Oh…” was all the small Yulia could say. “I’ll see you again, we are friends right.” “Yea…” The small dark haired child said. Then she sat up and looked at the tiny red head. “Forever?” She asked. The red haired grinned, and tickled her friend in her side. She got up and started walking into the green field towards the woman. “Of course” she yelled, and started running. “forever” Yulia gasped as she suddenly woke up from the dream. She felt a drop of sweat slide down her forehead and sat up, as she pushed the blankets off her body. “Oh God…” She said to herself, still seeing the image of the two children vivid in her mind. “I forgot…how could I forget…?” She shook her head and stared around her. It was dark and cold in the room. She turned her head and stared at the alarm clock. “4 am.” She stated to herself and groaned. She moved out of the bed and grabbed some clothes wandering on the floor, quickly putting them on. The word ‘forever’ was the only thing she could think about, even though she tried not to think about the dream, the image of the two girls never left her. She felt all the forgotten memories coming back into her mind as she dressed. Their time together, their life together, how could she have forgotten that? When she was dressed, she quickly grabbed the keys from the small wooden table and ran out of the apartment. ‘What am I doing…?’ She thought as she ran down the stairs, stopping on the 4th floor. Her heart was beating so fast, pounding in her chest. She looked at the door in front of her and swallowed. Her hands were shaking but the word ‘forever’ just didn’t leave her. “Do you still remember Lena?” she asked, looking at a closed door. She shook her head. ‘This is stupid…’ She thought. Still she couldn’t help herself, her body had a mind of its own, and before she actually knew it, she had already knocked on the door. ‘I should go, I shouldn’t be here…’ Then at the moment she actually lost her nerve, the door opened. A sleepy red head peaked out; her hair all messed up from sleeping. “Yulia?” She asked, as her jaw dropped. Yulia stared into the eyes of the green-eyed girl, and didn’t know what to say anymore. It was so confusing, their life, all of this. She took a deep breath and balled her hands. “I love you…” Lena suddenly woke up. She had clearly heard a loud knock on the door and quickly got out of the bed. She rubbed her eyes and yawned as she picked up a t shirt and pulled it over her head. She didn’t even bother to check the time. Since it wasn’t light yet, it was very early. And no light outside meant, was way too early for her to be awake. For a short moment she wondered if she should answer the door this early, but her curiosity won. She had no idea who could be knocking on her door this early. ‘Maybe there’s a fire’ she thought. Then she shrugged. At this hour she couldn’t care if there were aliens standing outside telling her they’d taken over the world. She would just tell them to come back later when she was fully awake and slam the door shut. She cursed some words as she slowly moved over to the front door, rubbing her eyes and yawning another few times. She unlocked the door, hesitating before opening it. ‘Maybe I should just go to bed; they can come back later…’ She thought, still the curiosity didn’t leave her and she sighed as she finally opened the door. “Yulia…” She started as she saw the small young woman standing on the doorstep, her hair all fuzzy, and a bewildered look in her eyes. Lena opened her mouth again, to say something to the spiky haired, but words just wouldn’t come. ‘Say something Lena, say something…anything!’ She begged herself. But just seeing Yulia here, standing in front of the door of her apartment was too much. “I love you…” She heard the dark haired saying. The words seemed to roll of Yulia’s lips in slow motion, and it took Lena long moments to absorb every word. “Yul…” Lena started again, she was still unsure what to say. She felt her knees shaking and she had to force herself to stand up straight. “Can I stay with you tonight?” Yulia whispered. She gazed into the green eyes and wondered why she had even asked it. “Yea, yes...Of course. Yea come in…” Lena stammered. She quickly opened the door further, allowing the dark haired access to the apartment. Her eyes followed the dark haired girl as she walked in, and she quickly closed the door behind them. For a short second she leaned against the door, taking deep breaths, hoping to gain control over her shaking body again. Then she walked into the living room right behind Yulia.
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:09:39 GMT -5
Yulia stood in the middle of the room, staring at the surroundings. ‘She has really kept things neat’ she noted. She didn’t really know what to do, afraid to sit down anywhere. The place brought back so many memories. “What’s wrong?” Lena asked as she walked into the living area staring at her former lover. “Nothing, maybe I should go, I don’t know. I ehm, I had a bad dream…” Yulia answered. Lena frowned, and gestured the dark haired to sit down. “What was it about?” she tried. “Nothing, just, I don’t know…some memories.” Yulia lowered her voice and felt a tear slip down. Lena quickly stood up and walked over to the dark haired, who was still standing in the middle of the room. Lena wasn’t exactly sure what she should do, should she hold her, or not. She decided not to think about it and grabbed Yulia’s hands in hers. “Can I ask you something” Yulia said in a shaky voice. “Anything…” Lena whispered, staring into the big blue eyes. “Have you ever… well, in Moscow… you know?” Lena gave Yulia a concerned look. She had no idea what Yulia was trying to say, and she wondered what the dream had been about, since that had made her former lover so confused and had brought her here to her. Suddenly she felt the body of the dark haired moving towards her. The small frame of the young woman shaking as she collapsed into Lena’s arms. Lena grabbed her, and walked them over to the bed, gently pushing the dark haired girl down. Slowly she lay next to her and held her. She could feel the warm tears of the dark haired dropping down on her neck and she whispered meaningless words, shushing the dark haired, brushing her fingers through her dark short hair. She wondered what had happened to bring Yulia here with her. Though she didn’t think she would get an answer tonight, or at least not now. Yulia lay so comfortable in the warm, slightly taller body that was holding her so tight; she had so missed this. She couldn’t hold her tears back. She didn’t want to either. She just wanted to cry, to be comforted by her Lena. ‘My Lena…’ She thought. Slowly she pushed her head up from the comfortable spot in the neck and leaned forward, staring into the green eyes of the red haired. “No complications…” She whispered to the red head. “Not yet, tomorrow maybe…” She whispered as more tears slipped down. “Okay…” Lena’s voice croaked. Slowly Yulia leaned forward and kissed the soft red lips of her friend, her lover. It was a short kiss, more a brush of their lips, but it was enough for now. She laid her head back on the comfortable spot near Lena’s neck again and sighed. Lena grabbed the sheets with one hand and pulled them over their bodies. She didn’t understand what was happening, or how this had happened, but she was so glad it had. She could still feel her lips tingling from the brush of their lips, the soft kiss that they had shared. Her heart was pounding, her skin tingling, her mind racing. She closed her eyes as she continued brushing her fingers through Yulia’s hair, knowing it had always comforted her, while praying silent words of thank you to anyone listening. As she moved her hand down a little she felt Yulia’s necklace, she gave a gentle tug on it, noticing some weight on it. The dark haired girl was already slumbering on her chest and very gently she pulled on the necklace until she felt what was on it. A cold round piece of metal hung on the necklace. She picked it between her fingers, knowing it was her ring. She thought for a second about earlier today. She hadn’t had this on when she was in Yulia’s apartment giving the dark haired her birthday presents. For just a second she rolled it between her fingers, and then released her hold on the ring again. She took a deep breath as she continued stroking Yulia’s hair again. “Forever…” She whispered into the dark. The word was spoken so soft the dark haired never heard it. I have watched her sleep all through the morning. It was so strange. I have seen it so often, and yet, now I realise how precious these moments are. I can see her chest go upward, and then sink back… ever so slowly. I see her dark hair in strands over her face. Her eyes closed and her long eyelashes stretching out. She is so beautiful. I wish for this to never end. I wish I could watch her like this until the moment I’d die. I would be such a happy person. But I know she will wake up soon. And awkward moments will then arrive for us. We will have to talk. I still cannot explain how sorry I am. It is so unfair. I was unfair. I was… I can’t even describe. I have been the worst person ever. I believe in God. I believe that he doesn’t care about our love being different. Love is love, in whatever form it comes. But this, what I did was unforgivable. And if she will ever forgive, it will never be forgotten. It will always be there, in both our memories and everything I will do will always make her cautious. She will never completely trust me. My Yulia I am sorry for that; if you only knew how much. If there was only a way I could prove to you that I would walk through fire for you…that I would die for you. If only you knew you have my heart on a silver plate. But, does that all matter now? For I wonder if He, God, can forgive that. Because love might be love, be cheating is a crime. I feel my hand drawn towards her. I know I should not touch her. I have no right too. But I cannot help myself. I gently touch the skin on her face. I am holding my breath, I don’t want to make a sound and I don’t want to wake her. I know I probably will, but her soft warm skin against my finger makes my heart ache. I slowly trace my finger over her eyebrow. I stop, noticing the little scar and trace that as well. She had never told me what had happened that caused that. I wonder if she ever will. I have asked once or twice, and she had just looked at me. She had taken a deep breath as if she was to answer and had then just dropped her head, and said it was nothing for me to be concerned about. She had said she would tell me later. “Will you ever?” I whisper, so softly I don’t even really hear my own words. Then I frown and remove my hand. As I do that I hear a soft moan coming from her. And I give her a gentle smile. Slowly I put one of my fingers back on her face, and brush some hair away. I know she’s waking up now. She’s just still refusing a little. She grunts and moves towards me, throwing a hand over my belly, and pulling herself close to me again. Why does my heart beat so fast? She has done this so often and now it touches me so much. I whisper “Yulia…” against her for head, and give it a gentle kiss. She sighs and pulls even closer. I don’t think she can really get closer, it’s more as if she wants to merge her skin with mine, till we’re lying so close that we become one. She takes a deep breath and I feel the warmth of it tickling my skin. It hurts. Not physical of course, but it hurts to know that I have ruined so many things. I look away from her and check the time. Its 4 pm already and we are still in bed. I know I have to wake her, even though I do not want to leave the bed. I don’t wish for this peaceful quite moment to end. I stroke her hair and whisper “Yulia” again. And again she grunts, but now she opens her eyes. Those two big blue eyes appear from under the eyelids, and I can see how sleepy she still is. I can’t help but smile. She looks back at me and smiles. But she keeps on holding me. This was not what I had expected. I had expected her to leave my side. I expected her to get up and move away from me. But she does not. She just gives me the biggest of smiles and closes her eyes again. I say; “we have to get up you know, it past 4 already.” And she opens her eyes again. Slowly she lifts her head staring into my greenish eyes. Her smile fades a little and she gives me a curious look. “I don’t want to get up yet.” She replies to me, and when she says that her smile returns again. She leans forward and before I even really understand what is happening I feel her lips against mine. They are so soft and gentle. They just brush past mine and then leave me again. My heart is pounding so fast I think she must be feeling it. I can feel it everywhere. I feel it in my head, in my throat and my chest. I keep convincing myself this must be a dream. But why can’t I wake up from it. And why are all the sensations so real. I feel her fingers against my lips and her stare burning at me. She slowly brushes her fingers over them, and then upwards, tipping my nose, touching my eyebrows, pushing some strands of red hair out of my face. “Don’t… please…” I say to her. I don’t want her to do things she might regret. I do not want her to make a mistake. “I want too.” she replies to me. “Don’t you?” She stops trailing with her fingers, staring back into my eyes. “Are you sure?” I whisper. “I don’t want you to think of it as a mistake…” I want to lower my eyes and look away from her, but I can’t. I close my eyes for a second to let the words I just said sink in. I do want this; I want her to touch me so badly. If she only knew how much I want it.
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:10:16 GMT -5
“I don’t… I don’t think I’m making a mistake.” She says. I nod and swallow then she takes a deep breath and continues, “Do you think, if I do this, I will make a mistake?” I flinch, hearing those words she asked me. I can understand why she asks though. Confirmation… she is basically asking me if I will cheat on her again. How could I? If I would ever do that again, I would kill myself. “No…” I say back to her. “No.” I say again. I want to say more, but I know that for now just ‘no’ is enough. Then she leans in again and brushes my lips. This time longer, and I kiss her back. I lean forward, raising my head a little to get hold of her lips but as I do, she moves her head back a little. Teasing me, showing me she is in command. I lay my head back into the cushions again and feel her hands roaming over my body, touching my collarbone, over my t-shirt down to my belly. She pulls the t-shirt up and looks at me. I know she wants it off. She doesn’t even say the words. Just the look says enough. Of course I oblige, and pull my t-shirt up slowly, being very aware of the skin now exposed. I see the skin of my belly and moving the shirt further up I am very much aware of my breasts, and even more of her looking at them. I swallow again, and pull the shirt over my head. She looks down at my panties, and I know they have to go as well. But this time I don’t have to do anything. She just grabs the sides and starts pulling them down. I lift my hips a little and in one motion. She pulls them down leaving the panties down at my ankles. I carefully kick them off and I am indeed, very naked. She moves back a little now. She sits up and just stares at me, my naked body, and I have no sheets to cover it anymore. It scares me a little. I wonder what she is thinking. I want her to say something…anything…but she does not. She just sits there, staring, and then finally I see a grin on her face. She pulls her white top over her head and pulls her boxers down from her hips over her knees, she leans back a little to get them from her feet. Then casually she throws them off the bed onto the floor. I can’t help staring at her body. She is so perfect. She is so incredibly beautiful. I smile, and I feel I am getting aroused. She crawls forward, on hands and knees, over my body each leg on one side of my hips. Her arms are resting next to my head and again she leans in stealing kisses. She kisses my face, my eyes and nose, but every time I try to kiss her back. I try to kiss her on her lips and she moves back again. “Don’t.” she whispers in my ear, and continues teasing me. I can feel my skin burning as she continues kissing my face and I feel her hand move over my chest, teasing my breasts, and roaming down my belly. I am so aroused already. I can’t help it. She knows I am. She can see it in my eyes. I see her huge grin, as her hand moves down even more, brushing my pubic hair. I swallow hard as I feel one finger slide down further and I groan. She moves it away again, and I see how aroused she is as well. “Do you want it now already?” She whispers in my ear and flicks her tongue over my earlobe. I groan again. Oh God I do I want it. “Yes…” I say to hear in a breath, as I raise my hips a little. She puts her hand on my belly then and pushes me back onto the bed. Then all of a sudden she crushes her lips on mine and slides her hand back down touching me again. I raise upwards, my body craving for this and more. I feel her tongue invading my mouth hard. I moan into her mouth and she replies by kissing me even fiercer. We move into a motion her hand rubbing me as I grab her back. I need something to hold onto. I cannot think anymore. I love her so much. I am completely taken by her, body and soul...God I want her too, and I can feel in her touch, she is taken by me in the same way. I rock against her hard. I did not know I could feel so much desire. I did not know it could be this good. I close my eyes and feel the waves of pure pleasure flow through my body. I’m not dreaming. No I am not. I am with my Yulia, and even though I can’t believe God forgave me, I am sure I am in heaven. Part 2 Chapter 7 A long sigh came from Yulia's red lips, as she closed her eyes for a short moment and then took another deep breath. Yulia laid a piece of paper onto the wooden desk, and then turned herself around. She straightened her back a little and then sat down on top of the desk. Her feet dangled in the air; she moved them back and forth in an easy motion, while staring at her hands that were lying on her lap. “What now?” The dark haired asked, while she shook her head a little to get some strands of hair out of her face. Lena sat on the bed and stared at the dark haired girl that was sitting not too far from her on top of the desk. She had given Yulia all the letters she had written the first few weeks they had been in the apartment. Lena wanted to show the dark haired how she had felt during that time, but now she just felt stupid. Showing her the letters wasn’t supposed to be an excuse of course. It was merely to show Yulia how much she loved her. Lena just wanted to show how she had been unable to control all of her emotions, her homesickness, her loneliness, everything. “Please don’t say, you will go again, forever…” The red head whispered. Yulia flinched when she heard Lena say the word forever and kept staring at her hands. She hoped Lena hadn’t noticed her flinching, but, she thought, it had probably been very obvious. “I won’t.” She answered quickly. “What is going to happen now?” Another question came from the red head. Yulia opened her mouth and shut it again. She had to think about this a little. The whole situation they were in now was something she hadn’t expected either. She looked up staring towards the door and then back to Lena again. Yulia noticed the questioning look in Lena’s eyes. She gave her a small smile. ‘She must have noticed me staring at the door, of course.’ “I wonder…” Yulia started, not really believing what she was going to say. “if I will ever be able to fully trust you again.” Lena dropped her head as she heard the words. She stared at her knees and thought about the question. She had thought about this so often as well. “I don’t know…” The red haired whispered. “Maybe never.” “That won’t work.” Yulia pushed herself from the desk, walked over to the bed and stood right in front of Lena. “I can’t live my life with you if I can never fully trust you again.” She shook her head and put her hands on her hips. “I don’t know how I can ever prove that you can…” Lena still stared at her knees and noticed Yulia was standing very close to her. “Tell me…” Yulia said “Tell you what?” Lena asked. She noticed she was hardly even speaking; she whispered so soft she could barely even hear herself. “Look at me Lena.” Yulia demanded. She leaned down a little and put her fingers under Lena’s chin, she then pushed her face up gently, so their eyes would lock. “Now tell me I can. Tell me I will be able to trust you again, that I will trust you again one day, and that day will be soon.” “You can trust me…” Lena answered, staring into Yulia’s blue eyes. “No, that’s not good enough.” Yulia wondered why she was doing this, because she noticed her words were hurting Lena, though it was hurting Yulia as well. “tell me it is going to be soon. I need to hear you say that.” Lena took a breath and closed her eyes. ‘Why does she want me to say that?’ She thought. When she opened her eyes again she noticed Yulia’s expecting look and answered. “You will be able to trust me again soon.” She swallowed hard after saying the words. ‘Yulia, if you only knew how bad I feel. How much I have hurt you, I would never do that again…’ But the words in her mind wouldn’t pass her lips. She just couldn’t say it. How she hated herself for not being able to find the words that were so easy to say in her mind. Yulia nodded hearing the words come from the red head’s lips. It was enough for now. She didn’t want too much at once since the whole idea of Lena sleeping with another girl was still too much to bear. She felt a pain in her heart, and tried to shake the thoughts away. Now wasn’t the time to think about this. ‘I will just have to deal with it… later.’ “Alright.” She stated and walked back to the desk again. “Why do you want me to say…” Lena started but then the doorbell rang. She groaned and slowly stood up from the bed and walked towards the hall. ‘What is it with people, why can’t they just leave me alone?’ She walked towards the front door and opened it. “Good day.” “Hi… Mr. Shapovalov. You’re early.” Lena opened the door further and turned around walking back towards the living room. She heard the door shut behind her and the sound of his heavy footsteps moving behind her in the hall. She tried not to look at Yulia when she entered the living room again and walked straight towards the desk opening a drawer and pulling an envelope out. When she had closed the drawer again and turned around, the tall man just walked into the living room. “Hello Yul.” He said and gave her a smile.” “Hey.” Yulia said back and gave him a small smile. “How is your weekend?” He asked and kept gazing at her. Lena stared at both of them and frowned. She walked up to her landlord to give him the envelope containing her rent, and hoped to have him out of the apartment as soon as possible. She didn’t like him, though she couldn’t tell why. He had always been very nice to her, so she didn’t really have a reason to dislike him; however, she didn’t like the way he was staring at Yulia , nor the way he asked how her weekend was. Lena felt it was really unsettling. “It was fine thanks.” Yulia answered him. “and” she continued, “I am moving back here again. So you can put the apartment for rent again.” “Oh, no problem. I am glad you two worked things out.” He smiled again, and now turned to look at Lena. He took the envelope she was holding and gave a small nod. “So, will I see you again tomorrow?” Ivan asked and turned back towards Yulia again. “Yes of course.” “Good. See you tomorrow then.” He turned and briskly walked out of the living room, waving his hand up in the air as he left the room leaving the two girls alone. “So you are back together then?” Nika muffled and took another bite of her sandwich. “Yea I think we are…” “You think you are?” Nika now put her sandwich down and stared at her friend. “Well she is moving back in again this week.” Lena stared at her still untouched lunch. “Well that’s good right?” Nika asked and looked at her friend who seemed to be deep in thought. She waited a few moments looking at her friend and then shook her head and laughed. “Lena, hello? Earth calling Lena.” “Sorry…” Lena said and looked up from her lunch towards her friend. “Okay now I might be very wrong Hun, but there’s something not right yet. Gonna tell me what?” Lena let out a throaty laugh and shook head. “Haven’t I told you enough already?” She replied. Lena had told the entire weekend story to her friend, which had taken her all morning. She had noticed the pleasantly surprised looks on her friend’s face, who probably had never expected it would work out like this. ‘I hadn’t even expected things to work out like this.’ She smiled at the thought. “Now well that’s more like it. Smile already. You are back with your girl again.” “Yes I know. There’s just this one thing…” Lena’s smile faded again and she gave Nika a serious look. “What?” The dark haired girl now pushed her sandwich aside and leaned forward over the table. “What is it?” she asked again. “Well I don’t know, probably nothing. But it’s just that, there’s this man, our landlord.” “Yeeeeeeeeees” Nika rolled her eyes. She just loved how her friend could always stretch everything so long and then finally come to a very simple point. “Well he was in the apartment yesterday for the rent, and he talked to Yulia. But it’s just that, well they seemed to know each other quite well. And she is apparently seeing him today again. I mean he asked her…” “So, what’s wrong with that?”
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:10:52 GMT -5
“I don’t know Nika, but he’s creepy, and she’d made ‘a deal’ with him so she could rent the other apartment. I just don’t like him…” “What was the deal?” Nika frowned and decided to just put her lunch back in her bag. She was not hungry anymore, and she didn’t want to stare at food while there was even more of a story coming from her friend. “I don’t know. And when I asked her yesterday why she was seeing him today, she didn’t answer.” Lena decided that lunch was indeed not something she needed right now and picked up her bag from the floor as well, putting her lunch back in. “Odd.” Nika answered and threw her dark brown hair over her shoulders. “You have to ask her again when you get home though. I think if she’s moving back in… you two need an honest relationship, from both sides.” She took a breath and stared at her friend who looked down at the table. “Yeah I know… I will ask her when she gets home. I just, I don’t want to push her too much...you know?” Lena stood from the table. She needed to go to the bathroom and she had a horrible gut feeling right now. “I know” Nika replied and watched her friend walk from the table towards the bathroom, with her head towards the floor her red hair hanging loose over her shoulders. Nika sighed and stood up. Since lunch was definitely over. Muffled sounds came from everywhere, occasionally there was loud yelling but even that was silenced by the incredibly loud bass coming from the huge speakers on the podium. The stage lighting was dim and a pole stood in the centre of it. A young girl in the end of her teens slowly walked towards the stage and smiled, as the men sitting down in the large room started yelling and whistling. She bowed a little and her dark hair fell over her eyes. When she stood straight again she quickly ran her hand through her hair and looked to the side. The room silenced and more slow sensual music started playing through the huge speakers. Slowly the girl touched the pole and started a slow sensual movement up and down it. She grinned at the crowd and her blue eyes glowed in the bright light shining on her. Slowly she moved her hips forward thrusting it towards the gold polished pole as she started her sensual dance. Yulia stood behind the bar looking at the girl dancing on the stage. She slowly turned her head to the side as the woman on stage made some quick movements around the pole and undid some of her clothes at the same time. The room around her was dark. Red lights gave the place a warm glow and the crowd in the club were mostly sitting near the stage. Yulia slowly picked up a glass and started to dry it. “Hey Yulia!” The dark haired girl turned around and noticed a man walking over to the bar, sitting down right across her. “Hey Ivan.” She answered and gave him a smile. “Vodka?” She asked, while she was already getting the bottle and pouring the transparent liquor into the glass. “Yes thanks.” He took the glass the dark haired girl handed him and slowly took a sip. “She’s good isn’t she?” He stated and nudged towards the stage. “Yea she is. Much better than the other girl.” Yulia’s eyes moved from the sensual dancing young woman back to dark haired man again. “When are you moving back?” Ivan looked up from his drink and smiled. “Well I am staying there already, but I will pack my things tomorrow.” Yulia answered and started filling some glasses with liquor for a customer. “How is your daughter doing?” “She’s better. I’m glad you wanted to take over for her.” The dark haired man smiled and took a long sip from his drink. He swallowed hard and continued “I am glad you two are together again.” “Yea, yea.” Yulia answered and rolled her eyes. “Thank for helping me out though. When will she be back again do you think?” Ivan emptied his glass in one long sip and returned the glass back to Yulia, who immediately grabbed the bottle for a refill. “Probably next week. But I wanted to talk to you about that.” “Oh” Yulia put the glass back down and stared at the girl in the distance now almost completely undressed. “I was thinking, you’re doing a great job down here,” he pulled cigarette out of a small silver box, lit it and inhaled the smoke. “Don’t you want to continue your work here?” He looked at Yulia who was staring at the stage and smiled gently. “You’ve really been a great help girl.” Yulia kept staring at the girl and swallowed. “Really?” She whispered. She turned back to the man sitting at the bar again. “You’ve done so much already. You gave me this job, it paid my rent… I can’t ask for more.” “You’re not asking, I am offering. I think you’re really good at this and the costumers like you.” While Ivan said the words smoke passed over his lips, circling upwards towards the ceiling. “But your daughter…” “Don’t worry, there’s work here for both of you.” He grinned and added, “She will probably start pole dancing again anyway. You sure you don’t want to try some time?” “No thanks, I think I am very happy with my spot here behind the bar.” Yulia answered and grinned back. “Well then please stay. Which makes me wonder...have you told your girlfriend already?” He gave her a concerned look and brought the cigarette to his lips again. “No, not yet.” Yulia took a deep breath. “What could I possibly say anyway? Hey Lena I work for our Landlord. Did you know he owned a stripclub?” “Now don’t be sarcastic.” He laughed. “And it’s not like you’re doing anything. You just work behind the bar.” “Yes I know. But I don’t think it will be easy to explain.” Yulia sighed. “But, I do want to work here. I like it.” Ivan grinned and turned on his seat looking at the stage. The act was almost over and he thingyed his head a little. “Good, then its settled.” He stood up from his spot and put his half empty glass down back onto the counter. “Now I am going to do my work, and it’s time for you to go home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” With that he left towards the stage, talking to some men on his way there. Yulia shook her head as she watched him disappear into the crowd. For a few seconds she looked around her, taking in the atmosphere and then left her spot behind the counter. She gave a small set of keys to a woman next her and smiled. “Goodnight!” She said and waved. Quickly she grabbed her coat and walked outside. The weather was mild, considering the time of year. It was cold but at least it was dry and no snow had fallen in the past few days. She took a deep breath sucking in the cold air as she quickly walked through the deserted streets. She hated walking here and was always very much aware of every sound around her. But so far she had never had any problems. ‘Man I so wish I could afford a car right now’ She muttered under her breath and took a turn to walk onto her street. She was already glad work was so nearby, and that she didn’t have to cross half the town to get to her building, but still, it was one of her least favourite things to do at night. She grabbed the keys from her coat pocket and opened the door to the building. Yulia took a deep breath then closed the old wooden door behind her and stared at the staircase for a second. Only a few days ago she had bumped into Lena on there, and now she was moving back in with her again. It felt so strange. She shook the thought off and quickly ran up the stairs. When she had reached the fourth floor she took a few breaths to compose herself. Carefully she opened the door of the apartment and slowly stepped in. It still felt a little odd to walk into this place again. She felt a little insecure about them being together again. She wondered if Lena was already sleeping. It was past midnight already and the red haired had to get up early in the morning. Slowly she put her coat away then carefully opened the door towards the living room. The door creaked for a moment but then it opened silently. Carefully the dark haired walked into the warm place and smiled as she saw her friend lain deep asleep on the bed. Yulia walked over to the bed and quickly but silently undressed herself. She didn’t want to wake her friend. She gently lifted the covers and laid herself down. She shifted a little careful not to touch the sleeping form on the bed and sighed. She closed her eyes and immediately felt an arm suddenly position itself on her belly. She grinned and opened her eyes again. ‘She’s still sleeping’ Yulia thought as she watched the sleeping form now pulling herself close to Yulia without waking up. She gave the redhead a soft peck on the cheek and closed her eyes. ‘Time for another talk tomorrow’ she thought and then drifted off into a deep sleep.
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:11:39 GMT -5
“Hey!” Lena opened the door and poked her head in. She smiled when she saw her friend, Yulia walking around the room placing some of her things back where they belonged and folding her clothes. The place had been so empty without Yulia. Lena had missed the person, but she had also missed the items in their room that had made this place home. It was odd though; she had never really thought of this place as home. She had wanted to go back to Moscow all the time. But now they were finally back together again and she felt this place was home at last. It was their home. Yulia turned around and put some clothes back on to the bed. “Heya there!” She answered and smiled. “Almost done.” She added, pointing at her clothes scattered on the bed. “I see.” Lena smiled and walked into the living area. She threw her bag in a corner and quickly moved towards her friend kissing her softy on the lips when she had reached her. Yulia put her arms around the red head’s neck and gave her a gentle smile. “I missed this…” she whispered. “Me too” The red haired answered and gave her another peck on the lips. Then she patted her girl on the back and loosened the grip. “When do you have to work again?” Yulia’s smile faded and she stepped backward. “Yes work. I think we need a little chat about that.” “Oh?” Lena said as her petite friend walked over to a chair and sat herself down, gesturing for Lena to do the same. “Can I ask you something else first?” Yulia shifted a little in her chair and stared at Lena who was seating herself in the other chair. “What?” “What’s up with you and ehm… Mr. Shapovalov.” She looked down hoping her friend wouldn’t get mad at her for asking. “Oh, well that’s what I was going to discuss with you.” Yulia let out a breath and continued. “I work for him.” Lena looked up again. This was certainly different from what she had expected. “You work for him? But what...? I mean…” The dark haired laughed when she noticed the confused look in Lena’s eyes and moved the chair forward a little so their knees touched. “Look… you know I went down to see him right? When we…. well.” Yulia felt her voice was getting a little unstable as she thought about it and had to compose herself a little. She felt a hand on her knee and closed her eyes. “Well, since I had no money, he offered me to work in his club. His daughter has been ill for quite a while and he needed someone to cover for her.” Lena smiled. She didn’t say a word though. She didn’t want to interrupt her friend, and she already felt relieved about the whole ordeal with their landlord. She had been so afraid he had done something to her. “So the deal was, I work for him in the club and that paid the rent, and I get some extra money to live from.” Yulia stared at the hand on her knee and put her hand over it. “His daughter is recovered though. So she will start working again, but he offered me a job there. You know, I can stay there if I want too.” Lena nodded and watched Yulia’s face carefully. “But what do you do then?” “It’s ehm, a strip club.” Yulia started again. “What?” Lena immediately interrupted and her smile faded. She stood up from the chair and walked backwards a little. “Hey hey, don’t worry, it is not like I am naked or something.” Yulia quickly jumped from the chair as well and walked towards her. Lena watched Yulia’s concerned face as the dark haired walked over to her. Lena then took another step backwards. “Sorry, I don’t get it now.” She gave Yulia a confused look and noticed how her own voice croaked. “I am just behind the bar Lena. I give people drinks. That’s it. Nothing more.” She stopped walking towards the red haired, noticing that with every step she took forward to close the gap between them, Lena took a step backward. She noticed the utter disappointment and disbelief in her Lena’s eyes. The green eyes were glancing, and Yulia knew that the girl was on the verge of tears. “Why would you want to work in a place like that?” Lena whispered and tried to stand up straight, so she would look more at ease. “Hey, don’t worry, I’m not doing anything. I have my clothes on; I just serve people their drinks. It paid the bills and everyone there is very nice.” Yulia moved from one foot onto the other unsure of what to do. She wanted to walk towards Lena and hold her, but she knew the red haired wasn’t going to let her. “Lena believe me. It is a nice job, I don’t sell myself. I serve drinks.” She said it sternly and gazed right into the green eyes of Lena, who was standing not too far from her. “I have to get used to this don’t I? Because you don’t plan on quitting? Am I right?” Lena swallowed and took a deep breath. She needed to calm down. ‘Trust.’ I have to trust her. We have to be able to trust each other.’ She said to herself and walked towards the bed to sit down. “Yes I like it. There’s no pressure, I am good at what I do and I get paid very well.” Yulia kept gazing towards her friend and put her hands in her pockets. “I’m not trying to scare you off, but I think you need a moment to think about it. Am I right?” Lena nodded but didn’t answer. “I’ll go walk around the block, I need to get some groceries anyway. I’ll be back in an hour and we will talk about it more. Okay?” Yulia moved forward towards the bed quickly so the red haired had no time to move and grabbed her hands. “I love you.” Yulia whispered and gave Lena a quick kiss. Yulia stood up straight again and walked towards the door, grabbing her coat on the way out. Lena sat for a second thinking about Yulia and her new job. She put her hands on her temples and rubbed them for a second. Then she stood and took a long deep breath. She moved over to the window and looked down. In a few minutes Yulia would walk down there, and it was always nice to watch her leave. She stared at the buildings around her and suddenly noticed a car parked not too far away in the street. “What?!” She said out loud and rubbed her eyes wondering if she was seeing ghosts, but the car remained. “d**n… Eva…” she muttered and walked away from the window. She grabbed her keys and coat and quickly moved out of the apartment. Without thinking she raced down the flight of stairs towards the door. She ran out into the cold while she still had her coat in her hands and stared down the street. She saw Yulia walking on the sidewalk and turned around to look at the car at the other side of the street. She narrowed her eyes as she saw the car moving slowly down the street towards her and Yulia. Lena took a few breaths and turned around again to watch Yulia. She noticed Yulia was almost at the end of the block and ready to cross the street. Behind her she heard the car’s engine suddenly roar and then realised what was going to happen. “Oh dear God…” she said in a whisper and started to run. She dropped her coat on the pavement and ran as fast as she could towards the dark haired girl. She heard the car move in and started running even faster slipping a little on the frozen snow from time to time. “YULIA!” She screamed and saw how her friend stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. Lena’s heart was pounding hard in her chest and she felt breathless, but she had to keep on running. “Lena? ” Yulia said, looking at the red haired running towards her like a lunatic, waving her hands up and down, and then heard the screeching sound of tires making a turn and saw a car driving towards her at an incredibly fast speed. “What…” she turned her head and then felt a hard push against her body knocking her off, of the street and onto the sidewalk. For long seconds she sat there her eyes closed, while pain shot through her body. Then she noticed everything had turned quite around her and she slowly opened her eyes. Everything happened so quickly she hadn’t even really noticed what had happened. Only then she saw a form lying on the street, her legs in an awkward position, in the cold icy snow. A pool of dark red blood was around the reddish hair. Quickly Yulia stood and staggered over to the girl. “LENA!!!” She yelled in high pitched voice. “NO, NO!!!!” She ran over to her friend as fast as her bruised body would let her and fell down on her knees. “She grabbed the young girl lying there and felt a wave of nausea through her body. There was blood all around Yulia and her jeans and hands were now stained with red. “No! Wake up!!!” Yulia yelled desperately. She grabbed the young slender form by the shoulder and turned her around. The dark haired girl started breathing faster and faster. She had the feeling she just couldn’t get enough air in her lungs. She started shaking the red haired again and brushed some red, sticky strands of hair out of Lena’s cut and bruised face. “Please… Lena... please!!! Sweetie don’t do this…” Her voice was hardly even there anymore. She didn’t notice a small crowd gathering around her and the sound of sirens in the distance. She closed her eyes as tears started falling down, muttering “no” the entire time, and sank on the body of her lover, while sobbing into the chest of the lifeless person lying there. Going Mad Part 2, chapter 8
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:12:46 GMT -5
‘Breathe…’ I tell myself. I’ve said it to myself so often the past few hours, but I cannot get rid of the feeling I’m drowning. I stand here in front of her, looking at the soft smile on her face. She looks so peaceful and so incredibly beautiful. It’s almost as if she is sleeping. I feel the tears fall down my cheeks again. ‘d**nit,’ I curse in my mind. Oh I wish I could scream it out loud, though I have done that a thousand times already the past few days. “Ready miss?” I hear someone saying behind me and I turn around. I see the undertaker giving me a wondering look. “Just five more minutes,” I whisper and look away from him. I have no voice left anymore. I have cried so much, screamed so much, there’s just nothing left. He nods at me and turns around walking out of the small darkly lit room, leaving me alone with my beloved again. Slowly I turn around, looking back into the coffin. I look at her face again, and gently touch her cheek and begin brushing my fingers through her red hair. “My Lena…” I say to the lifeless person in there. Then I see her folded hands resting across her chest and I suddenly become aware of the heavy weight on my necklace. I bring my hand to my mouth and feel more tears streaming down. “Oh God…” I put my hand around my necklace and in a single fierce motion, I pull it off. I feel the skin of my neck burning, but I don’t care, the pain is more a comfort than anything else. Then slowly I pull the ring from the necklace. I hold the ring for a second, and then take her cold, stiff hand into my warm-blooded hand. Carefully I put the ring on her finger, and gently lay her hand back on the other. The stone in the ring is shining and looks so beautiful on her finger, I know it belongs there. I see her necklace on her neck and gently pull it out from under her white shirt. I can’t help but smile as I see the same ring hanging there. “You’re so smart Lena,” I whisper. I turn the necklace a little until I can unhook it and pull the ring off. “I wish…” I say as I hold the ring in my hand. “I wish, I had accepted it, and you’d put it on my finger.” I feel tears welling again. ‘Why can’t I hold them back? Just for five seconds…!’ I clench my jaw in an effort to hold them back. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to compose myself and hold the ring in my hands. When I open my eyes I watch the blue stone imbedded in the silver of the ring. I roll the cold ring between my fingers and notice the change. Slowly I bring it closer to my eyes and see an inscription: Forever yours, L “When did you do that?” I shake my head and smile through my tears. “Silly girl…” I take a breath and try the ring on. It fits perfectly, of course. “You know me too well,” I whisper to her, but I know she will never say anything back to me again. I hear the undertaker come in again and clear his throat. “I am ready,” I say without looking at him. I wipe away some of my tears with my sleeves, and lean forward one more time, placing a kiss on her cold frozen lips. “I love you so much… my Lena,” I murmur against them, leaving some of my salty drops on her cheeks. Then I move backwards and watch her one more time. I see one of the tears that had fallen on her cheek slide down and it is almost as if she is crying, but her mouth is in a smile… and it looks as if she is relieved. Then I close my eyes and turn around. I can no longer watch her. Four other men enter the small room and close the coffin. They nod at me but don’t speak. The clicking sounds of the locks closing the coffin make my stomach turn. I can’t believe this will be the last time I will ever see her, and I will never see her again. All that remains now is her image in my mind and the few pictures I own of her. The men carefully take hold of the coffin and nod at each other. I look at the polished wood of her coffin, white and bright, and see them taking her away, out of the room. Outside in the small graveyard she will now rest under an oak tree, the same sort of tree we used to play at down there by the river. The place where we promised we would always be together. But only I remembered that. I walk outside and stare at the landscape. The graveyard looks so peaceful. In the distance I see that oak tree, the place where she will be buried. The place she will never leave again. “No!” I cry, but there is the river of tears again. I feel my knees buckle and my body sink down. “No Lena, I love you… you promised me…” “No!” Yulia took a deep breath and shot up. She felt pain shoot through her body and she quickly grabbed her ribs. For a moment she groaned and took long deep breaths trying to compose herself. She felt drops of sweat slide down her forehead towards her eyebrows, and quickly wiped them away with her other hand. The pain was slowly fading again changing into a throbbing ache, a feeling Yulia had gotten used to already after a week. She lifted her head up a little more and stared at the sleeping form in front of her. Slowly Yulia moved forward and gave the young girl laying there a soft peck on the cheek, and then she brushed some strands of red hair out of the girl’s white, pale face. “Why?” Yulia whispered against the other, bruised cheek, and then gently placed a kiss there.
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:13:32 GMT -5
Suddenly a soft groan came from the redhead who stirred for a second and then slowly opened her eyes. “Lena?” Yulia said as she leaned forward and stared straight into the green eyes of her lover. She felt her body starting to shake badly and tears starting to run down her face. Quickly she dried her cheeks with her shaking hand and smiled at Lena. “Hey there…” Lena softly answered. Her voice croaked and she licked her lips a few times to be able to say a little more. She felt horrible, a constant pain throbbing in her head and down her legs. Slowly she tried to move her hand up to touch Yulia’s face but though her mind wanted to, her body wasn’t ready to comply yet. She sighed and carefully moved her head up from the pillow a little. She groaned again, feeling dizziness and nausea wash over her, and laid her head back down. “Oowwwww,” she said out loud and moved a little again which made it worse. “Take it easy…” Yulia whispered and held her hand. “It hurts so much…” Lena said and closed her eyes as she felt the warmth of Yulia’s hand in hers. “Shhhh,” Yulia shushed, and looked over at the IV. She had seen the nurses put painkillers in there constantly but it was now completely empty. “I will ask if someone can give you more morphine,” she stated and carefully pushed herself up, trying not to show the redhead she had a fractured rib. “Do you trust me now?” Lena whispered when she saw her friend walk towards the door. Yulia stopped dead in her tracks hearing the words and closed her eyes. Yulia crossed the street deep in thoughts. She wanted to let Lena think the whole situation over for a while but everything still felt slightly uncomfortable. She didn’t want to quit her job and she wasn’t going to either. She made enough money now. She liked it, it was easy... “Yulia!!!” Yulia’s thoughts were abruptly disturbed and she turned around to see who was calling her name… though she knew it was Lena. She saw the young girl running towards her, as if her life depended on it and Yulia’s jaw dropped. “Lena?” She whispered back at her lover. Suddenly the dark haired heard the shrieking sounds of tires and slightly turned around wondering what was going on. She noticed a car speeding towards her and could only stare. “What…..” She brought out and turned her head again to look at her friend. She could just at that moment see the red head leaping towards her, practically knocking her off the street. She heard an impact and a scream from Lena, but the pain shooting through her small frame the moment she hit the pavement had blocked most of the things out. She felt the sharp pain shooting through her body after she heard her rib crack, then she groaned. When she opened her eyes her mind replayed the whole event and Yulia stared at the street trying to comprehend what had happened. “Yulia?” Lena whispered her lover’s name, looking at the small frame standing at the door, frozen. “I’m sorry…” Yulia said and carefully turned around trying to block the flashback out. “Lena,” she whispered looking at her feet. “You shouldn’t have done that, just to prove…” “I didn’t do it because…” Lena took a breath, while another shot of pain went through her fragile body. “Ugggggggggggggh…” “I’m going to get a nurse now!” Yulia answered back and went out of the room into the white hall to find someone to ease the pain of the woman she needed most in her life. “Just take it easy sir… I know…” The nurse said nervously. “I want to see her now!” “I know sir. But you have to fill out some forms first and then you can…” ”Give me those!” Yulia heard the conversation down the hall and stopped for a moment to listen. She shook her head, then rubbed her eyes for a moment and moved further, carefully walking, trying not to make too much noise. She moved closer and saw a nurse just around the corner filling out some forms from a pile and handing them over to someone. Yulia couldn’t see who it was from the angle at which she was standing. She thingyed her head a little trying to see more, but there was no way she could do that unseen. ‘Why am I so paranoid?’ she cursed and mentally slapped herself.
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:14:21 GMT -5
She took another breath and walked over to the nurses’ post. She tried not to look sideways and stared right into the nurse’s face. “Hi!” she started in a high pitched voice. “Hey, how can I help you?” The nurse gave the young girl a friendly smile and put down her paperwork. “She’s awake… and she’s in so much pain,” Yulia started. She didn’t even have to tell whom it was about since she had been here every day for the past week and she knew every nurse around right now. “She’s awake?” The words didn’t come from the nurse, but from the man who had just gotten the forms from the nurse. Yulia felt her heart skip a beat and slowly turned around, even though she remembered whose voice it was. A tall man walked over to the dark haired girl and grabbed her by the arms. “She’s awake?!” he yelled at Yulia and shook her small frame. Yulia felt immense shots of pain go through her chest and bit her lip. “You!!!!” he said when he looked into her face and gave her a disgusted look. “Please stop…please Mr. Katina,” Yulia begged as the man continued shaking her body and holding her arms so tight she knew he was going to bruise them. “WHY?” he growled. “You! You took away my daughter!” He pushed her backwards, towards the nurse’s desk and stared at her bewildered. Yulia staggered backwards, grabbing the desk with one hand and holding her chest with the other. “I’m sorry…” she whispered and felt a tear slip down her cheek. “I’m sorry…. I’m so sorry…” she kept repeating and closed her eyes. She felt nauseous from the pain and hardly noticed the nurse coming towards her, holding her small frame so she wouldn’t fall down to the floor. “You destroyed our lives,” the tall man growled from a distance and gave her a disgusted look. “I’m sorry…” Yulia kept repeating, breathing heavily. The tall man towered over her and Yulia noticed the tears in his eyes. “We have searched for her for so long. Lena’s mother…” He swallowed for a second. “She is in so much pain. Our marriage is destroyed….” He growled the words. For a second he stopped and took a step backwards again, trying to compose himself again as tears were burning in the back of his eyes. “It’s all your fault…” he added then. “She’s not the same person anymore since Lena left. She cried day after day. I blame you for that!!!” Yulia looked at the man talking to her, as the words absorbed into her mind. “Sorry is not enough. I don’t EVER want to see you again.” He spoke to her in a low voice; his fists balled trying to keep his composure. “I hope you said goodbye, because you will never see her again.” With that he walked briskly towards the two women and dropped the form on the desk. “She’s going to be transferred to Moscow now.” Then he looked at the nurse who was still holding the petite girl. “Ready when you are, miss.” The street was empty and the gentle breeze swept up a few old leaves. The birds were chirping and the few trees on the block were growing leaves again. Spring was calling its name. A car passed by at a slow pace and stopped right in front of an old grey house. For seconds nothing happened but then a man with short dark hair stepped out and walked straight towards the entrance of the building. He stopped, looking around for a second, listening to the sounds around him and opened his coat. Slowly he picked a cigarette out of a slim silver box and a lighter from his pocket, then put the cigarette between his lips and lit it. He inhaled deeply and turned around, seating himself next to a petite young girl on the steps of the entrance. “Are you okay?” he asked, and took her hand and squeezed it. “I’m fine,” she answered back and smiled. They didn’t speak but sat there for long moments, enjoying the gentle weather until another car entered the street and stopped right in front of the apartment as well. A young woman stepped out, waving at both of them and quickly pushing some dark strands of hair out of her face. “Heya!” she said out loud and walked over to the two people sitting outside of the building. “Are you ready girl? ” “Hey Nika,” the girl sitting on the porch replied and waved at her.
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:15:15 GMT -5
“Well are you ready or are we gonna sit here all spring?” She gave them a broad smile and walked over to them. “Hey Shap…” she nodded to the man and gave him a broad smile as well. “Mind if I ask you for a smoke?” “You’re one crazy girl I tell you.” He laughed and gave her a cigarette. “Oh well...blame Lena for that, she made me like this you know!” She smiled and winked towards the girl sitting on the steps. “Gone all crazy.” She opened her arms wide and pretended to be a plane for a few seconds then turned towards the other two again and gave them a gentle smile. “Where are your things?” Ivan stood up from the steps and opened the door from the building. “Let me get them for you.” He walked inside leaving the two girls so they would have some time to talk. “You’re the best you know?” “Hey don’t even mention it, I might get shy.” “You? Never.” “Hmmm true. Are you sure about this girl?” “Oh definitely.” “Good.” “Are you?” “I would do anything for you two.” Nika smiled and stood up as the club owner walked out of the building again, carrying two suitcases and a backpack in his hand. “Alright…” he said and walked towards Nika’s car opening the trunk and putting the bag and suitcases in. When he closed it he walked over to the girls again and stared at them in silence for a moment. “I stored the rest,” he finally said and looked up again. “Thanks.” “Come back some time Yul…” he then said and held out his hand. “I will.” Yulia swallowed and instead of taking his hand walked forward and gave the man a hug. For a second she felt his body freeze but then she felt two arms surrounding her. “And bring Lena,” he whispered in her ear. He held her tight for another second and then let her go. Yulia nodded at him and slowly walked towards the car. “Take care of her…” Ivan said in a soft tone to the brunette who was watching Yulia step into the passenger seat. “No problem…” Nika gave him a smile and then moved towards the car as well. “See ya later!” She waved and stepped in as well. The two girls looked at each other for a second before Nika started the car. “You two really belong together you know,” Nika whispered. “Then why does everything have to be so hard for us?” Yulia questioned. “I don’t know… I really don’t know…” The brunette shook her head and put the car into gear driving away from the block. “Ready for Moscow?” Nika asked again. “Yes…” Yulia whispered and held the necklace carrying the most precious memory of her friend. She stared outside of the window, watching as they moved through the streets of the city on their way back to the place that hurt her so much. Moscow now held her lover, her friend, her everything again. Slowly she closed her eyes and let the memories of school and running away pour back into her mind again. “Forever Lena…” she whispered to the glass. “I am going to get you back…” Lena looked around her. Everything was placed just the way it had been when she’d arrived here a month ago. She took a deep breath and then released it while looking around her room. “Perfect,” she said out loud and got up from the bed. Holding onto a chair she carefully pushed her painful body from the bed, then she limped over to the cupboard. Her left leg still hurt with every step she took, and she gritted her teeth and leaned on the door to rest for a second. Momentarily she closed her eyes and blocked everything out, then she quickly turned and opened the door of the cupboard. Except for the crutches there was nothing in there. “Good,” she whispered and took the crutches out with one hand while leaning on the doorpost with the other. Then she walked over to her desk again. She took a deep breath, and looked at the table. “I’m all set,” she said to herself and walked towards the door, out of her bedroom. Just before she closed the door she took one look at her bedroom and sighed. Then slowly she closed the door, breaking the silence in the house, then things turned quiet again. Everything was in its place, just as it had been before, except for one small thing lying on the desk in the small bedroom.
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Post by Darlene on May 20, 2006 18:16:01 GMT -5
Mum, I know I will hurt you again, especially since you’ve had such a hard time trying to find me. I know you and Dad are having a lot of trouble, and I am the one who caused that. All I can say is I am really sorry. I’m sorry for what I’ve done before and I am sorry for what I will have done when you find this letter. You have taken good care of me the past two months, but I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be without Yulia anymore. I have cried myself to sleep every night Mum; I have felt miserable the past few months, more than I have ever felt before. If I can’t be with Yulia, then I have no reason to live anymore. If you only understood how much I love her Mum, if you only knew. We have had such a rough time, I have hurt her so badly, but she came back to me, she came back because she loved me. Just when things got better you came. Dad came and took it all away again. If you ever find me again I won’t come back. I won’t. I am seventeen years old now, I can do what I want, and I want to be with her. I love you both so very much, but I want Yulia to be the person I share my life with. There is just no other way, and I promised her Mom. I promised her so long ago. Remember the girl I used to play with when I was young? Remember before we moved to Moscow? I promised her we would be together forever Mom. I’m planning to keep that promise. I don’t even know if she remembers, I didn’t even remember. But when I was in the hospital, and in that coma for a week I saw all the things I had forgotten. When I woke up I knew I didn’t want to lose her ever again. And then Dad came before I had a chance to tell her. She never came back but Dad came and I had to come back here. I am not the daughter you hoped I would be. I’m sorry for that. I’m so sorry I hurt both of you time after time, and I missed you both so much when I was there, but I have learned so much about myself. I have learned what love is. I have learned to take care of myself; I have learned what it is to live on my own. When you read this I will be on the train back, or maybe I will even be there already. Don’t forget I love you both so very much. You’re in my heart. Your daughter, Elena. The end
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